A New Man

Frequent visitors to Silverhorn Mountain know that we like be informative. Our team of researchers keep an eye on what's happening in the world, in addition to looking for the real answers to questions we all have.
USA Today is reporting that men in Japan are spending thousands of dollars....improving their looks. Yes, they are spending thousands, on things like manicures, spa treatments, girdles, and get this, seamless beige underwear so there are no lines if a man chooses to wear white pants. Now, that is impressive, and some would say commendable. Around here I think we would say it is silly, or I thought we would have, until I ran into Reggie the other day coming out of the bank on Main Street.

Now Reggie is a 'mans-man', who until very recently made some extra money in bars spitting nails into a dart board 7 feet away, and he was always pretty accurate. At 70 odd years old, the ravages of working in the outdoors were starting to show. He had worked in the woods prospecting for gold, for about 50 years until he struck it rich one day. Yes, he hit the big one, he picked the winning numbers in the lottery, and won several million dollars. He threw down his propectors hammer and shovel and never looked back.

I hadn't seen Reggie for several months, someone had said he was travelling, enjoying his new found money. Well, it turns out he was on a little trip to Japan, where he learned all about, you guessed it, male beauty products. Apparently he hurried home and opened the first male beauty salon in Silverhorn Mountain.

So, imagine my surprise as I came out of the bank to run into a guy who looked a little familiar, but I couldn't place him until he spoke to me. It was Reggie, only he had on a nice shirt, silk I think, and a pair of white pants. Now around here, the only people in white pants are the Navy in the summer, and because we are several miles from the nearest ocean, we don't see much of the Navy. There wasn't a line on his face, in fact it looked soft and well...pliable. He smiled and geez, he had teeth. He was a new man.

Reggie shook hands with me and I noticed his hands felt, well, nice and soft, softer than my wifes, and exceptionally soft for an old gold prospector. I glanced down at his hands and noticed they were not only clean, they were what I believe to be...manicured...although I have never really seen a man with manicured hands. They looked like what I imagined male manicured fingers look like.

Reggie looked like he had dropped a few pounds too, so I gave him a little jab in the ribs, like men do when they meet other men...well sometimes...they do...well they do around here, especially when they are drinking. I guess it depends on the men. Anyway, when I jabbed him, my fingers met something solid, like he had been working out, except it was also kind of unnatural feeling. Upon closer inspection, it turns out old Reggie was sporting a mans girdle. Yes, I said girdle. Nice. It had him all sucked in, and he looked 'svelte' for a 70 something year old prospector turned millionaire.

"How ya doing old boy?" I asked, trying to hide my curiousity, I figured it must be a back brace, "You're bad back acting up again?"
"I'm doing great!" Reggie replied, "My back never felt better, why do you ask?"
"Ha..I thought you were wearing a brace." I said.
"Nope" said Reggie, "Not a brace," he looked up and down Main Street, lowered his voice and said, "It's a girdle, for men...."

Now, what do you say to that....? I stood there for a second, speechless, there was no reply forthcoming. When a man tells another man he is wearing a girdle, there is really not much that can be said. It leaves a fella in a bit of a spot. Should I laugh, is he kidding? Or is he really wearing a girdle? If he is wearing a girdle, what does that mean....?

"Just got back from Japan." Reggie said, "All the men are wearing them over there, it works too, sucks a guy in, in all the right places."

Sucks him in alright, geez, I was still speechless. As I was considering whether or not to just run the hell away, an attractive young woman with a mini skirt and a body to die for, walked up to Reggie and said, "Ready Honey?" I recognized her as one of the girls who worked in the bank, although with the new bank machines, it isn't very often a guy gets to talk to them. "Whenever you are Darling" he replied, beaming, as he took her hand. Reggie turned back to me smiled and said, "Gotta run man, we just bought a new water bed and it is being delivered this afternoon."
But before he left, he slipped a business card into my hand, smiled and said, "Drop by my new shop, we can help you."

Standing on the steps to the bank, I watched as he walked away, hand in hand with his new woman, laughing and giggling like teenagers in love. I also noticed, although I really don't know why, his white pants didn't have any underwear lines......

I glanced down at the business card he had slipped me, it said, Reggies Salon for the New Man, Main Street Silverhorn Mountain. The motto said, 'Dedicated to helping you achieve a new kind of manliness.'
As I entered the bank I sucked in my gut and threw the card in the wastebasket....I guess Im just not ready for a new kind of manliness......