Hi Silverhorner people. This is Marcello. I am what the boss has referred to in another story as a 'garden gnome'. We like to refer to ourselves as little outdoor people. My brothers and I are just a few of the attractions here at Silverhorn Lodge on Silverhorn Mountain, nestled on the side of Silverhorn Lake, the Boss tells me to say that.
The Boss usually writes this but the dandelion wars continue up here on Silverhorn Mountain and I think he might have inhaled a little too much of his 'napalm'. He is under the weather tonight so I thought I might jump on the computer and fill in for him. Boy will he be surprised. It is pretty hard to type with one cement finger that is permanently pointed up, so please be patient.
I helped him to dig a bunch of the little yellow dandelion buggers up tonight, and now I am waiting until it's dark to spread their joy over some of the neighbors lawns. The Boss says it will be easy because no one will suspect a garden gnome of spreading dandelion seeds. We realized tonight that if we dig up all the dandelions, we won't have any lawn left, so now we have a bit of a problem. They have really dug in since the naplam attack on the weekend. Almost need a backhoe to dislodge some of them. The good news is, the spray seemed to have an effect so I think they are going to get another dose before too much longer, just so they know who is the boss.
As you may have guessed, our naturalist, conservationist, tree hugging sensibilities may be lacking a little when it comes to that bloody front lawn. To make up for it, the Boss says we are going to plant the backyard entirely with trees. He's a good guy my boss....
He is watching Criminal Minds tonight, which ranks as one of his favorite shows here at the Silverhorn. He usually make our guests here at the Lodge watch it which sometimes creeps them out a little. Nothing like a show about serial killers just before you go to bed, especially if you look out the window and see the owner of the Lodge talking to a garden gnome.
The Ebayers are hard at work here, trying to keep this lodge from falling into receivership. I don't know if you noticed but business hasn't been exactly booming around here, especially when the boss is handing out free life memberships. Almost everything is for sale according to Mrs. Boss, including us gnomes, so we are trying to keep a low profile when she comes around. We just stand very still and hope she doesn't notice us. I don't think the boss will let us go without a fight.
This is usually a pretty good place to be a garden gnome, not a lot of responsibility, mostly just keep the Boss company, it's a little like being a member of Elvis' Memphis Mafia without the drugs, sex and rock and roll.
It's a little known fact that it is really us that 'does the research so you don't have to'. I know the Boss wants you to think he does all that, but normally it's us, working away uncovering the real truth behind the stories so you can be informed. Each day we meet in the garden for a pre-story session, go over the latest news, letters from our readers and whatever else we come up with that he can turn into a story. Yeah- right, like he really writes this stuff, c'mon you know now who is really the brains behind this organization.
Well, I better get off to the garden, I think Criminal Minds is over and I just heard Mrs Boss ask how much a garden gnome is worth, so I think it's time to disappear.
By now you are thinking, geez, this Silverhorn Mountain stuff is really crazy...well let me ask you this...who is more crazy, a cement garden gnome who writes a blog.......or the people who read it......???
Marcello
0 comments:
Post a Comment