Osama Bin Laden - Give It Up Man...

Hi Gang, Marcello here, chief garden gnome, here at Silverhorn Lodge. The Boss is off tonight. Sorry but I have to say the following or else I will be in trouble. Welcome to beautiful Silverhorn Lodge, situated on the side of Silverhorn Mountain, over looking shimmering Silverhorn Lake. There..I said it.

It's been a rotten spring to be a garden gnome. It's raining most of the time, and when the sun does come out, it blisters the paint right off my skin...er cement, and the Boss refuses to allow me to cover up with sunscreen.

As a garden gnome, I am aware of the stares and odd looks people give me, and I hear them talking, Hello..I have two big pointy ears, you think I can't hear you??? Yes, I admit, I do look a little like Osama Bin Laden, but no, I am not Osama Bin Laden, he is much taller and walks with a limp. But if I was, do you think I would be standing in a garden on this god forsaken mountain?

Osama released an audio tape today, I can't even talk out loud. Apparently he is sounding tired these days, at least according to people who seem to know how he should sound if he was rested. And a film is out of the question, either because he is looking a little more haggard than usual, or he is become camera shy. Personally I never felt he had much of a television personality anyway, I mean, he could never make it as a host of American Idol, he's a little too, well...flat.. He has been living in a cave for the past 4 or 5 years, that has gotta wear on a person after awhile. Sleeping can't be too restful either knowing all of the American Military is looking for you and not to check on your welfare.......

But, here's the thing, has anyone actually asked Bin Laden to throw in the towel? I know they want to catch him dead or alive, and I know that either one of those options has possiblities, but I don't recall anyone ever saying, "Osama, give it up man. You're not winning. Yes, you are a pain in the ass to them by times, but ya gotta ask yourself, is it worth sleeping in caves, moving all the time, dodging bombs and bullets really worth it just to harass the most formidable military in the world? Keep it up and you might really make them mad, then what? Right now I think they are just toying with you, having fun, making you sleep in caves and under rocks and go to the bathroom outdoors....Even the nicest cave on the Pakistan Afganistan border must be a little rough.....even for a terrorist...."

Osama Bin Laden

Britney's Nude -Free Stuff and Run for it Boo!!

Hi Folks, welcome to Silverhorn Lodge. Those of you who recall a couple of my previous posts (The Lost Tresure of Silverhorn Mountain, Pelicans Under Arrest -Bob Wins the Money) will remember my buddy Bob, and you will recall the rock through my window wrapped in a plaid doo-rag.....Well, imagine what went through my mind tonight when I answered the phone to hear his voice say, "You Home? I'm coming to see Ya" His voice sounded a little, well...gruff....
I immediately figured he was pissed that I was mentioning him in a few posts, so, when he called this evening I was a bit taken aback...
"You home? I'm coming to see ya."
Me: "Ah, well, no, I'm not home."
Bob: Whatta ya mean you're not home?
Me: "I'm out."
Bob: I just called, you answered the phone."
Me: Oh yeah that...well....um...yeah I just got home."
Bob: "Oh, OK, well I am coming to see ya."
So I hung up the phone and immediately called my wife and told her to get up out of bed and stay with us, in case he was really after me... Turns out he was just here for a visit, I think. However, here is the problem, Bob is a union guy, big union guy, President of his union. I think he is trying to unionize my garden gnomes to get even with me. I saw him talking to Marcello as he came up the driveway, and after he left I asked Marcello what they were talking about. Marcello said, "If you have any questions for me, put them in writing and send them to my union rep..." I'm too late, he's got them. Now they have all kinds of demands, like being paid, and vacation time, and a pension plan.....but I protested, you're only cement garden gnomes....Marcello replied that name calling wasn't going to make the negotiations go any better.......

On another note, I mentioned to my wife that another buddy who has recently moved, had a 8 foot section of counter top he was giving me and a bathroom sink and I had to go pick it up tonight. She wanted to know why I needed an 8 foot counter top and a sink.
I said because it was free, and free stuff is always good. I love free stuff. "I can't turn down free stuff." to which she replied, "Our garage is already full to capacity with other free stuff that you aren't using....we can't take any more..."
I countered with my most manly response, "Oh yeah like what?"
"Like the 400 pounds of weight lifting weights that you scrounged but never use."
"Oh yeah." I said again, "I use them"
"You can't even lift them." she answered.
"Lift them...lift them?" I said, trying to sound surprised and offended. "I don't want to lift them, they are holding the Lodge down in case of a hurricane.....duh...."
I had to call and tell him I wasn't allowed to take his free stuff....man that hurt....

So the big blogger talk tonight is about Britney Spears posing nude for Harpers Bazaar magazine, apparently she is 6 months pregnant, and someone decided it would make a great photo shoot, to capture her 'sans clothing', sporting black hair, and from the photos I have seen, a hell of a tan. People seem to be taking a dim view of this, but here on Silverhorn Mountain, I feel I have to step in and take a stand for Britney. The girl is very attractive, perhaps a little dumb...er misguided... but attractive nonetheless, and I have never been one to discourage good looking women from removing their clothes, and tonight is no different. So I say, Good for Britney, you go girl!! It's actually kind of funny, Britney usually wears less clothes on stage than she has on in this photo shoot. She's made it to the 7th most viewed news item on the internet today...and I called her dumb......this blog ranks 1,345,897.......

In Golden, British Columbia a grizzley bear named, 'Boo' broke down a heavy steel door and two electric fences in his second attempt to escape captivity and ....ouch...neutering. That would be quite a job now wouldn't it? I'd like to see the look on the new guy's face when they tell him his first job with the 'resort' is to go in a locked room with a 600 pound grizzly bear and 'neuter' him....

Boo was doing fine living in his artificial den until recently, when after watching an episode of "Prision Break" on the Bear Prison telelvision, he made his first attempt at freedom, only to be recaptured and thrown back in the hoosgow...(that's jail).actually they are calling it a 'resort'....

However, when he overheard his captors plans for him, he made another rush for freedom and got away a second time...now, as usual, and whenever I begin by saying 'now' you know there is something someone said or did that I find amusing....in this case it is the spokesperson for the Kicking Horse Pass Resort where Boo was being held, who said something along the lines of, "It's unbelievable, we thought there was no way out, but he found a way...."

I don't find it all that unbelievable. I don't care how nice the 'resort' was, if I found out the plans were to neuter me, I'd take a run at a few electric fences myself......You Go Boo!! Run for It!!!

Did you know...? Hummingbirds can't walk.

Safety First - Don't get Hit By Lightning

Hi Silverhorn converts, how are you today? The sun is finally shining again, here on the mountain and sales of sunburn cream are booming.

Here at beautiful Silverhorn Lodge, situated on the side of majestic Silverhorn Mountain, we are staying inside with the doors locked and the curtains pulled. It seems we have received some threatening messages today, one was a in the form of a rock wrapped in a plaid doo-rag...The doo-rag looked very familiar......I am thinking Bob may have not taken so well to my recounting of his escapades at the bar with the rotweiler in last nights post......

Members of the lodge know how I have a bit of a thing about 'experts' and the 'expert pronouncements' they make following 'scientific studies'. Mostly I am just jealous that someone can get paid for coming up with advice that the simplest moron should instinctively know. But...what further amazes me is that seemingly intelligent people sign requisitions that pay these guys money....and that the population at large, hangs on their every word...

Case in point, Reuters News is reporting the latest word from the 'experts' about thunderstorms. A group of scientists have done some research, (instead of leaving it up to the experts here at the World Famous Silverhorn Lodge Research Department) on thunderstorms, and specifically how to avoid being hit by lightning....

The good scientists have dug in and come up with advice like this; don't be outside in a thunder and lightning storm, but if you are outside, don't talk on your mobile phone, because holding the phone against your head may increase the harm to you should you get struck by lightning. Yes folks, it seems holding a metal object with an antenna on it next to your head in a thunderstorm can be harmful, if not downright deadly. Experts also recommended not holding metal rods, golf clubs, fishing rods, or other metal poles over your head in a thunderstorm, even if they do help to keep the rain off your head.

The Australian Lightning Protection Standard, (ALPS) has taken the lead on this breaking news, recommending people not carry metal objects outside in a thunderstorm.

The number of qualified experts available to conduct the research necessary for safety warnings like this has dwindled over the past few years, in part because of their diligence in conducting live experiments to prove they are correct........

However, this is thunderstorm season, as well as allergy season, blackfly and mosquito season and hurricane season and even strawberry season, and I want you to be safe. So here are the tips we could find on short notice:

During a thunderstorm do not go outside with a metal pointer, point to the sky and say. "did you see that flash?"
During a thunderstorm, do not climb on the roof of your house or mobile home and adjust your television antenna even if the storm is, and I quote, "screwing with your friggin' reception'
If you see your neighbor on his roof fixing his television antenna during a storm, don't climb a metal ladder to help him, even if he offers you a beer.
If you are in the woods and run into a thunderstorm, don't climb to the top of the nearest high tree, that is how you escape an angry grizzly bear, not lightning......don't panic and screw up your safety knowledge.
An old metal army helmet from the war surplus store might protect you from shrapnel, and it might shed the rain nicely, but it isn't going to do much good in a lightning storm...
Don't run toward a tall, dark, funnel shaped cloud, with a video camera, even if it does look cool...and you think you might win a Pulitzer for weather photography...most of those prizes are awarded posthumously.....
If you are in the woods, or on the golf course, with lightning striking trees all around you, don't call someone on your cell phone....without first making sure it's during your unlimited calling hours....

Pelicans Under Arrest and Bob Wins the Money

Hi Guys, lets get right to it tonight, because things are hopping here at the Silverhorn and I am unfortunately on a bit of a tight schedule. Unfortunately, Silverscopes, Horoscopes for the dumb." has been pre-empted tonight, sorry, but if today is your birthday, you probably can't be helped by a Silverscopes prediction anyway.

Frequent readers will recall our report about the pelicans in Laguana Beach California who got themselves drunked up and started flying into cars. Well, it seems 3 of them that ended up in the hospital were arrested by police and are in the drunk tank in Laguna, being held on impaired flying charges. The police are really taking the zero tolerance on alcohol seriouosly. Now here's what I am thinking, imagine the drunk guy who was thrown into the drunk tank to sleep it off, before the pelicans arrived. When he wakes up and finds himself staring at 3 pelicans who are sharing his cell....he'll think he's still drunk....but what a story to tell......especially if they start talking to him.

Last Friday night Bob (you remember Bob, the dew-rag, from the Lost Treasure of Silverhorn Mountain) and I went out for a few drinks. The bar we usually frequent, well....has asked us not to come back for a while...a temporary suspension I guess, the bouncer said something about not coming back until Hell freezes over but I am sure he was just kidding....it's hard to tell if a bouncer is kidding...especially if he has you in a headlock and is knocking your head into the bar....but I think he was kidding, there seemed to be a lot of laughter from somewhere in the bar....anyway because they are still have our pictures on the wall behind the bar with a big red X through them, we decided to try a new establishment, just outside of Silverhorn.

Our new place isn't too bad, a little rough around the edges, but after you get used to seeing guys in leather chaps it does seem kind of homey....anyway I digress...as I have been known to do on occasion. So we strolled up to the bar and ordered a drink and I was having a look around and just about to mention to Bob about the guys in chaps when he spotted a big jar on the bar filled with $10.00 bills.

Now Bob is a curious kind of guy so he asked the bartender what the jar was all about. The friendly barkeep said it was a contest they held, and that it cost $10 to get into the contest, but the winner got to keep all the money in the jar. He said he figured there was several thousand dollars in it.

Now Bob likes a contest, and he's not shy about new things so before I could stop him he pulls out $10 and plops it down on the counter, has another drink and says, "I'm in !"

The bartender asked if he was sure, and Bob who was now getting fairly drunk slurred, "yessireebub, what do I has to do to win?"

"Well," replied the bartender who I have since found out is named, Marcus, "You have to do three things, and you don't get the money until you do all three."

"Yup" said Bob, his eyes on the jar, "Name them and stand back."

"First, you have to drink a pitcher of tequila, straight out of the pitcher without stopping." With that he put a pitcher of tequila down in front of Bob who grabbed it and drank it back without stopping.

"Thesss...thas it." said Bob, banging the empty pitcher down on the bar, he looked at me and winked, and said, "I got this one beat, whass nesxt...." I noticed when he winked at me, he winked both eyes.

"Well, you got that down pretty easy." said Marcus, "Now all you gotta do is complete the two remaining tests and the money is yours."

"Bring it on." said Bob, regaining some composure and no longer drooling.

"Well there is a rotweiller in the back room with a sore tooth that has to come out, you gotta pull it." said Marcus, pointing toward the back of the bar to a small room, " And there is a 95 year old woman upstairs in the bedroom who has never had an orgasm in her life, you gotta give her one."

"Bring it on!" said Bob yet again, the tequila having affected his vocabulary somewhat. He slipped off the barstool and when he got back up on his feet headed off to the back room to find the rotweiller.

The bartender poured me another drink, this one on the house as we listened to some of the most god awful caterwalling and screaming coming from the back room.

After about 5 or 6 minutes Bob came back out, his shirt was torn and his hat was missing and he had scratches all over his face and arms...

He staggered up to the bar and looked at Marcus and I, and said, "There....that's two down, now where is that 95 year old woman that needs a tooth pulled?"

They gave him the money by default......

THE FRUITS OF MY LOAMS -VEGETABLE GARDENS MADE EASY

Well, Spring has come to Silverhorn Mountain, and behind it, early summer, which as everyone knows means only one thing...time to prepare the garden. Not just any garden either, oh no, I am talking vegetable garden. One of the treats we offer late summer visitors to the lodge is the the Silverhorn Lodge fresh vegetable supper, or as we like to call it, the "lodgehodgepodge". Carrots, beans, peas, potatoes, and almost anything else we manage to grow, all boiled in one big pot and served up with lots of butter and pepper. Yee Haw! A veritable smorgasbord of delightful dining. (That's the description from the Silverhorn Lodge Dining Room Menu).

So, if the lodgehodgepodge is going to happen this year, I have to get working. The gnomes aren't much help when it comes to the garden, which is a bit surprising since they are after all, 'garden' gnomes. They seem to be content just to stand around and watch, except Marcello who is determined to get on this computer, and Alonzo who would rather play his piano and sing....

So, alone but undaunted, I strap myself to the old roto tiller, and break ground. No, of course, we don't have one of those expensive, elaborate tillers with the rear tines, oh no, we have a 30 year old 5 horsepower front tine, bone jarring, arm wrenching thing we call the 'killer-tiller'. Using it always reminds me how out of shape I really am, especially when it fetches up on a rock, or hooks a big tree root and practically throws me off. But, on the other hand, there is something quite satisfying about seeing the freshly turned ground, all brown and well...dirty...

Following the initial ground breaking ceremony, usually attended by one or two of the Silverhorn Lodge Garden Committee Members, who quickly leave because of the black flies, I follow up with the spreading of the rotted manure, or as the tweedy set like to call it, 'organic fertilizer. Something I do here on this blog daily is spread rotted manure, so I have lots of practice. I have noticed that if the onlookers don't leave because of the flies, they all make hasty exits when the manure truck comes. Once spread, I mix in a little fertilizer, and till through once more.

Then I let it all sit to sort of well, germinate, or whatever manure does while I head to the garden supply store for seeds and whatever new garden gimmick I can get sucked into buying.....a few days later, the rows are made, the seeds sown, garden watered and I sit back to wait to reap the delicious joys of my efforts, or as I have heard it called before, "the fruits of my loam" (actually I just made that up, but it is so good I can't believe I am the first person to think of it.)

Oh yes, I water the thing periodically, and usually in the first couple of weeks I try to weed it, but to be honest I completely lose interest in the garden shortly after it is planted. Until of course when we harvest the crop later in the summer. We do have a lovely rustic (read broken) garden bench that we set up next to the garden so that the city folk who come here as guests can sit and relax and watch the garden grow....some of our guests are really, really easy to entertain.....

Around the mountain, several of our neighbors have gardens and it seems like an unwritten competition to see who has the best one, people are always, 'having a look at your garden' which is really just to see how yours compares to theirs, are they on time, have you got stuff up that they haven't yet...what have you done differently. I have noticed that not too many people pay much attention to mine....I don't know why.....

On a totally unrelated note, (I think...) singer Diana Krall and hubby Elvis Costello have announced that they are pregnant, er..well, expecting a baby...I have it on good authority that it is Diana that is actually the pregnant one. Looking at Costello, I am wondering how that could have happened.........anyway here is the thing, I don't know if you have noticed or not, but Diana Krall looks remarkably like Elvis Presley, only prettier, and....get this..I think she sounds a little like the King, she has a deep quality to her voice that reminds me of him. Have a look at her folks, and you will see what I mean. This leaves the old 'cover-up - uncover-up' investigative reporter in me wondering......furthermore, she is married to a guy named Elvis....hmmm....I have dispatached Marcello to the archives to see if we can find out Diana's lineage, I am suspicious that our old boy Elvis the King might be in their somewhere....

Well I gotta get going, some of the boys from the Silverhorn Mountain Ground Search and Rescue Team just came in dressed in their orange search garb. It seems my buddy Bob, (you all remember Bob from The Lost Treasure of Silverhorn Mountain) has been guiding some birdwatchers and may have gotten lost as they were due back a couple of hours ago. Bob is one of the best wilderness guides on Silverhorn Mountain, but they think he may have gotten confused and wandered down into town....

SILVERSCOPES Horoscopes for the gardener
If today is your birthday, you are a dirty one. You like digging in the dirt, playing with manure and smelling the flowers, or the beets, depending on your frame of mind. You are happiest with a rake or a pitchfork in your hand and you like your spouse to be strong and able, particularly if they have to pull a plow.
You'd make a good horitculturist, if you knew what that was, and an even better farmer if you had 100 acres and a good tractor.
If you are female, making small things grow into big things is your favorite pasttime, much to your husband's delight, and if you are male, you like planting the bean pole every chance you get, although it seems to be only once a year.
Your idea of formal wear is a white tee shirt under your overalls, which you usually save for Sunday wear.
Your lucky numbers are all based on the seasons of the moon which you know has something to do with gardening success, but you really don't understand.
Your lucky numbers are 29, 30, 31, 1, 2, 3 and your bonus number, in case you ever need it is, 12356829987653458739

Drunk Pelicans and Black Market Hula Hoops

Hey Ho Silverhoners!! (I gotta get a better opening line) How is everyone today? Well it's Saturday here at the lodge, I don't know what day it is where you are but if it ain't Saturday...well that sucks.

It's raining so we have all turned to inside sports here today. The gnomes are having a rousing game of Canasta, and I think Marcello is cheating. Alonzo looks like he's getting mad, so I figured I would slip out to the garage and update you. It's safer out here, I don't wanna be around if Alonzo loses it, he's got quite a temper for a little fellow not more than 2 feet tall.

Well, what's going on in the world today you ask? It seems Saddam Hussein is a man of conviction if not convicted....he has just ended a gruelling hunger strike to protet the killing of one of his lawyers by a gunman. Apparently Saddam took issue with the loss of his lawyer and decided to show his displeasure. So he stopped eating. For one meal. I'm surprised he gets more than one meal. Gotta love a guy who sticks to his convictions. I guess he got a little hungry after missing his lunch and decided he had made his point. Doctors were worried, he was looking a little thin.....I wonder if the cook whipped up something special to help him get his appetite back. That's usually what happens here everytime I go on a hunger strike.

And speaking of drunken birds, an intoxicated pelican, (yes I said pelican, a bird, and yes I said intoxicated) crashed threw the windshield of a car in Laguna Beach California. A place, by the way, I would love to visit, but I digress....The drunken bird broke his foot and got a nasty gash on his pouch, he is in the Laguna Beach Invertabrate Memorial Hospital now. A pelican surgeon was on duty when the accident happened, a couple of hours of surgery and the big boozer bird is expected to make a full recovery. Send your get well cards, flowers or fish to Peter Pelican, care of the hospital, I'm sure he'll appreciate them.

So we dug around in the research files and discovered Peter Pelican must have discovered domoic acid in a bog somewhere and had a little too much of it leading to some erratic flying. Interesting footnote to this story, apparetently the movie Alfred Hitchcock made back in 1961 called The Birds, was based on a true story about a bunch of crazy birds all hopped up on domoic acid who decided to not be nice drunks and attacked people. That movie scared me to death, I was only 2 when it came out, but I remember it well and think about it everytime I see more than 2 birds circling the lodge...

And finally, (big news day today) Reuters is reporting a story from Beijing, about a gang of crooks who jumped from a van on to the back of a moving tractor trailer rig, on a freeway, and started throwing off the contents of the truck which was a white substance packed in small bags...sounds like heroin eh? Nope, it was actually polyetheylene which is used to make hula hoops.....police happened by, saw what was going on and rounded up the crooks, apparently hula hoops have a high value on the street in Beijing...so do you smoke them, or what?
Actually, swinging your hips around holding up a hula hoop for a long period of time has been found to make a person dizzzy, not unlike some illicit drugs...

Well, that's what we found out......

SILVERSCOPES - Horoscopes for the confused
If today is your birthday, you are half smart, and half stupid, but the stupid half is the one most people see first.
You do well in a career like undertaking, where your clients can't complain about shoddy workmenship.
You are used to disappointment, so you take most hardship in stride. You have no lucky numbers, sorry......

In Scotland, Whiskey Sales Soar, So do UFO's..is there a connection?

Well Howdy Silverhorners, welcome to beautiful Silverhorn Lodge, situated on picturesque Silverhorn Mountain.

Well, it's a dreary kind of wet night outside so we are enjoying some inside 'fun'. Now I know what you are thinking, and you are right on the money. Yup, we got the TV antenna turned just right tonight to catch a show about UFO's in Scotland. I said 'we' but actually everyone else decided to go to bed just after the show started...coincidence...I think not...anyway, your ever faithful scribe, stuck with it, remembering our pledge 'we do the research so you don't have to..and stayed up to watch the show and report back.

So here goes, apparently there is a place in Scotland known as the Falkirk Triangle, that has more UFO sightings than any other place in the world. Now get this, the town of Roslyn, (Roslyn Chapel you know c'mon everyone read the DaVinci Code by now) is actually inside the Falkirk Triangle....and on a related note, here is a question, has anyone else noticed the frequent 'triangle' reference to all of this esoteric mystery stuff.?? Bermuda Triangle, Pyramids are Triangles, Geometric designs are often based on Triangles, pyramids are...yup...triangles....UFO's are often reported as looking like triangles.....and now, the Falkirk Triangle...Hell, even DaVinci's picture of the perfect proportion of man and therefore nature, is built on triangles...Triangles also play an interesting role in the geodetic markers found in Nova Scotia...and the mysterious crop circles are..no wait, they are circles aren't they....oh well, they must be fake...and to think until now, I just thought triangles made a cool little musical instrument the non musical children play in school concerts....

Amateur UFOlogists are suspicious that the aliens are in cohoots with military officials and working out of a huge underground base to control the world. In case you were wondering, the aliens are getting here through gateways or interdimensional 'portals' that are quite possible located around many of the worlds mysterious historical sites such as Stonehenge, the Pyramids, and now Roslyn Chapel. Like this is stuff we don't already know...geez...they go on about it like they just found out.

The show's producers have invited in three local paranormal investigators to find the portal....of course, why didn't we think of this before. I got to wondering, how do you become a paranormal investigator? Is there a university course for that, perhaps and on line degree course ? We'll find out and let you know in case you are interested. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, no one was able to get the gateway - portal - doorway open to the other world which was a bit of a disappointment for me because I was sure they were gonna get it open. Whoo hoo!! I woulda really had something to report then....however, the three local expert paranormal investigators seemed relieved it wouldn't open, I can't imagine why....

Interesting footnote, we have a 'portal' on our computers at work that doesn't seem to open either, and yet we keep trying, although when it doesn't work everyone seems relieved.....I do come home from work some nights feeling like I have been dragged through a portal and then shoved back to the real world....

Fear not for the mystery in Scotland though, they've called in some archeologists now to dig for the portal..to dig for it folks....yup...they found some university educated archeologists who dug in the dirt for a 'portal'...they only dug for 8 hours before they got bored or tired or both.

Those Scottish are clever...now they are coming up with 'folklore' that a space ship crashed close by hundreds of years ago, and the UFO is buried there somewhere. Leave it to the Scots...Tourism is booming.....

On another, totally unrelated note, it seems Japanese couples aren't having enough sex. It seems Japan is worried about a baby shortage. So they did what all good governments do, and hired themselves a consultant to find out why. So after exhaustive research, the expert, one Doctor Kunio Kitamura has come up with the problem and a solution. He has identifed the problem, ready for this...? Japanese couples are not having enough sex. Yup, that's what he was able to figure out...the reason for the baby shortage in Japan....I think he nailed that one....but wait until you hear his solution to this perplexing problem...here it is...Japanese couples should have more sex. So...I was going along with this until he continued with his report...how to have more sex...couples should talk to each other.... c'mon doc...give the poor Japanese their money back......and get yourself a good book on sex, everyone knows ya can't get pregnant through oral discourse......

See ya !!

SILVERSCOPES horoscopes with a twist
If today is your birthday, congratulations you made it through another year. This next one promises to be even more fraught with disaster and embarrassment than the last one. But that is ok because you are a survivor, and disaster is your middle name. Your friends all feel sorry for you but admire your pluck to carry on in the face of overwhelming adversity.
You like small animals, particularly in soups and salads. You are kind to old people with money. Your sex life ended just before it should have started but that's ok with you, because you are pretty sure it is overrated, preferring instead to settle into your bed alone at night and play with your triangle until you fall asleep. You already know how to play two songs....
You believe in UFO's and often find yourself pondering the tiny scar on the inside of your left thigh, wondering how deep they placed the implant and what information it actually transmits back to the mothership.
Your career options are limited, but you feel confident that sometime soon you will be moving to inside of the garbage truck, at least on the rainy days.
Your lucky numbers are 33, 33 , 33, 33 and 32.

Al E Gator

Hi Silverhorners, welcome back to beautiful Silverhorn Mountain, how are you? Sorry about yesterday, we got a little busy around here and didn't have time to update you. But we are back with gusto tonight. Marcello and the rest of the garden gnomes have been busy in the research department, but they haven't been too quick to share their discoveries with me.

One of the women folk around the lodge managed to graduate from the 9th grade this year, and is off to her Junior High Prom this evening. She was looking pretty sharp the last I saw of her about 2 hours ago, but 15 minutes into it, the shoes were becoming an issue. It's no small feat (get it???) to go from Sketchers and Reeboks to designer heels, ah the miracle of growing up. All told we have about 30 pictures, some of which will require retouching to get her boyfriend out of them.....

Members and frequent guests to Silverhorn Lodge will recall my affinity for alligator stories and keeping you informed, remembering our motto, 'we do the research so you don't have to'. Well the Associated Press are reporting an encounter an early morning newspaper deliverer in Pottstown Pa. had with a cranky 4 foot alligator while delivering papers. Apparently when the newpaper guy bent down to retrieve a newspaper that he had thrown between two parked cars, he jumped back pretty quick when a 4 foot alligator leapt at him, with his mouth open, hissing. . I guess this particular alligator was a news junkie, preferring to read his news the traditional way rather than off the internet.

The police were called to the scene and a quick thinking officer jumped the gator from behind and taped his mouth shut with duct tape. (They didn't want the gator talking to the press about police brutality) Then he was toted away to spend the night in the lockup, where he was treated nicely and named on official records, Al E. Gator. They found him a home at an animal protection place in Guantonamo Bay and relocated him. He was allowed to keep his orange prision jumpsuit.

In Ontario, Canada a worker hit the wrong switch and shut down production at a plastics plant resulting in the need for repairs which will take about 2 weeks and cost the plant around $11 million dollars. Yup, I said, $11 million dollars. The plant processes crude oil and natural gas to make a product which in turn is made into plastic used in many household products, bottles, carpets and other things. Reminds me of the time Melbury, one of the first garden gnomes here at the lodge shut off the furnace emergency switch and lost the Lodge some serious cash. It was on a Sunday and the service charge was $250 for the repairman to come up the mountain and flick the switch back to on......Melbury felt pretty bad about it...so bad in fact he moved out, we haven't seen him for years, nobody even mentions his name.......

SILVERSCOPES - Horoscopes for the challenged
If today is your birthday, you are short, but sweet, mostly because of all the refined sugar you consume. You do all things with effort, but seldom successfully, however previous results of your attempts has lowered the bar sufficiently enough that people that know you are no longer disappointed. You enjoy dining, in or out, as long as there is food and lots of it, which is becoming obvious by your expanding waistline.
Your career choices though limited are sure to bring you much satisfaction provided you luck out and find one that doesn't require much mental effort or manual effort on your behalf.
You believe you get along well with others, although they are laughing behind your back.

Did you know...? The average person laughs 15 times per day....

Bear British Columbia and Who Moved the Bank?

Howdy doo Silverhorners!! We be back in the buzz! That's blogger jargon, feel free to use it whenever you want to sound like a techy...err....teckie...hmmm...tekkie...tekee....

Back to the grind after a long weekend, and a busy one. There was no stopping your favorite blog scribe this weekend, gardening and lawn mowing on Saturday, hiking and beaching on Sunday and helping a friend move on Monday. Slowing down a little on Tuesday, back to work for a rest.

It was a moving experience on Monday, (not a 'moving' experience as in emotional, let's clear that up right now). I mean moving as in lifting, dragging, pushing furniture and miscellaneous stuff and throwing it on a truck and hauling it somewhere else to lift, drag and push it into another house.

I didn't even get all that tired, although watching my buddy struggle for about a half an hour with the couch did get a little tiresome.....Throughout the day, I was thinking that I was in pretty fine shape, well toned for a middle age fat guy, and feeling pretty damm, well, I dunno, sexy! Then Tuesday hit.....Oh My God, not much of me that moves without causing me to cry out just a little. I was moving pretty gingerly today, but tonight I seem to have worked through it and I am back to feeling ...well....sexy!! Come to think of it, I usually feel pretty damm...well...sexy...trouble is, I seem to be the only one who has that opinion.....

Speaking of moving, lets talk about one of my favorite subjects, Black Bears. Seems old bruno has been pretty busy lately, particularly in British Columbia. The news just showed a clip of a young one having a swim in a backyard swimming pool, and get this, another BC bear broke into a home in West Vancouver, found the oatmeal and helped himself to some lunch. Apparently 3 police officers responded to the owner's (who, by the way, is a cute girl with pretty blonde hair who a police spokesperson identified as Ms Goldie Locks) call for help but upon arriving at the house, decided the best thing to do was to let the bear finish his lunch. This was probably not bad thinking, considering he was inside the house and may not have taken kindly to sharing his oatmeal. He cleaned his plate, had seconds, and then strolled out of the house and back to the bush. A bystander reported the bear waved as he disappeared into the trees....and yes, we now have definitive proof, bears do **** in the woods, and the kitchen...and on the sidewalk....apparently oatmeal really keeps them regular.....

In another unrelated bear incident, a 500 pound black bear sow (that's female) from Cariboo, Maine, spent the afternoon in a tall pine tree in a Mainer's backyard with her 3 cute little cubs, while the local folk turned out for photos. The happy family posed gleefully for the shutterbugs before slipping down out of the tree and moving on, someone said to find themselves a publicist since they were now media darlings.

And speaking of bears, Marcello, our chief researcher just came up with this one. In a Bank of Nova Scotia building in Toronto....wait a minute, what the heck is the Bank of Nova Scotia doing in Toronto?? When did they move there? Why haven't they changed their name? Just what the heck is that about? Anyway.... one of the tenants of the Bank of Nova Scotia building received a nice promotional golf package in the mail that contained, yup, you guessed it, monogrammed golf balls...yup, but it also contained a spray can of bear repellant. (bet you didn't guess that). Now this genius, who somehow managed to get an office on the 16th floor of the Bank of Nova Scotia building, gave the stuff a try, in his office.... Official reports indicate that the cannister of Bear Repellant, "somehow went off"...yeah...right...The building was evacuated and several fire trucks responded to the call, although no one ended up in the hospital, several people had breathing difficulties. Add him to the 'Am I Stupid" mailing list.

Well since tonight seems to be bear story night, I got one, years ago, here on Silverhorn Mountain, when I was but a lad, a black bear looked in the window at a neighbor who was cooking a pizza. I guess our erstwhile neighbor (no idea what ertwhile means but it seemed to fit) wasn't much of a pizza cook because after sniffing the air, the bear moved back from the window and strolled to the next cottage where he made himself a sandwich from the garbage can before moving on. He didn't leave a tip, but he did leave his calling card....

I think we should add a can of bear repellant to the Silverhorn Lodge Emergency Kit, not because I am all that worried about bears around here, but it might come in handy if I get stranded with 3 or 4 people and only enough food for one......

SILVERSCOPES Horoscopes for the under priviledged
If today is your birthday, you are smart, clever, good looking and destined to do great things. Ooops...wrong reading, that's another day...ok...here we go. If today is your birthday, you are challenged, not just today but everyday, and not just at work, relationships and money, nope..... you are challenged by life. However, undaunted, you move on, even though your friends wish you would just give up and stay home.
You like to do all things with vigor, as long as they don't require you to use any muscles.
You think thinking is your forte, but your family thinks differently, knowing you not as a thinker, more of a doer, more specifically a wrong doer.
You do best at jobs requiring an accomplice, a get away car and a ski mask, although you often have trouble getting it on the right way which causes you some confusion but does make it difficult to identify you in a lineup.
Your lucky numbers are 364, (one year less a day) and 3 to 5. You feel blessed because a judge once said you will get a life, however you're a little hard of hearing....
Guestbook

New Beaches New Friends

Hi, Welcome to Sunday at the Silverhorn. Not too much going on here today, just trying to get over yesterday. Some Saturday's are a killer around here and yesterday was no exception. So much to do, so little ambition.....

Another beautiful day here at the Silverhorn, sunny and hot hot hot, gotta like it. We were off to a new beach today, one we found using an old map I found in the garage, the wife said we should check the beach trail out using one of the new up to date online maps, but I think things are becoming too hi tech around here, and besides I am a map reader from way back, just give me a map, pencil, straight edge and a compass and presto, the trail to the beach or wherever you want to go. Why go online and print one off when the traditional methods suffice.

This beach was tucked away along the coast and the trail to it a little rough, but we stumbled through, I found it a little tiresome, I had to keep waiting for the wife, she was walking so slow, complaining about the load she had to carry in her knapsack. I couldn't carry the gear, I was in charge of reading the compass and following the map, besides, I find a knapsack chafes my shoulders....I kept telling her how nice and private the beach was going to be, not many people would bother walking this far just to go to the beach, when there are so many other nice beachs in the area that are easy to get too. "This one will be worth the walk", I kept reminding her. I don't know how much she heard me though, she was crying a little, I think with excitement.

She was pretty pissed when we got there, and found I had packed 4 hardcover books under the beer, sometimes she just isn't very understanding, I mean, I couldn't decide which one to read so I brought all 4, like that's a big deal, besides, the barbecue weighed more than the books anyway, she already had a load, 4 books didn't make much difference.

Long story short, we made it to the beach, beautiful pristine spot, white sand and blue water, and about 15 or 20 other folks, all enjoying the day, there was even a pickup game of volleyball going on.....

To make matters worse, my wife, always the friendly one, struck up a conversation with the couple next to us, telling them how we had such a hard time finding the place and what an awful trail to follow. The other couple asked what trail? Why didn't we just drive to the place like everyone else and pointed to a road and large parking lot not 500 feet from the main beach.

"We didn't see the road on the map" said my charming, friendly, wonderful, kind, understanding, beautiful, pretty, (did I say understanding?) wife.

"That's odd." replied the husband of our new friends, "It's on all the online maps...."

I had to carry everything out the way we came in. My wife meanwhile walked the 500 yards to the parking lot and caught a lift back to the lodge with her new friends......

So, what else is new, well a contractor guy bought a bathroom cabinet at Home Depot in Massachusetts and found a stash of about 6 pounds of cocaine inside. Well, I suppose that would be the place to put it, after all we all keep our drugs in the bathroom medicine cabinet. Of course, after he reported his find, the police took a new interest in bathroom remodeling and found 2 or 3 more stashes in a couple of other Massachusetts outlets of the Home Depot. Apparently it was worth about $200,000 all told. Leave it to Home Depot, great value for the money. Where else can you buy a $150 cabinet that appreciates to $200,000 by the time you get it home?

A goatherd guy is lucky to be alive after about 70 of his goats were killed by lightening in Bulgaria, which may be the only place left that has someone with a job title called 'goatherd'. A sudden lightening storm came up and his goats ran for cover under the wrong tree, I guess they picked the tallest one...the goatherd guy picked a shorter one nearby and survived. So the moral of this one is, if you are stuck out in a lightening storm, go with the goatherd, not the herd of goats.....

SILVERSCOPES - Horoscopes for the unwashed. (Sunday abrieviated version, better luck next year)
If today is your birthday, you are ivy league material, or at least poison ivy material. You do well to stay away from bushes, especially in bare legs...

Adirondack Chairs

Saturday morning on Silverhorn Mountain. The sun is coming up over the calm lake, a loon is calling from somewhere on the other side. No boats on the lake yet, and no wind, the water is flat calm as we say around here. What a prime piece of waterfront real estate this place is. I have my homemade adirondack chair on the front lawn and I am soaking in the morning, and sipping my first cup of instant coffee.

Of course the flies are starting to wake up to, so I don't know how much longer I will be soaking in the morning before I start soaking in Muskol or Deep Woods Off. After so many years of wearing fly spray during many happy moments, the smell of it brings back fond memories. In fact sometimes in the winter I like to put a little on and sit back in my lazy boy and think about the summer. (Hey whatever works)

The adirondack chairs we have around here leave a little to be desired. My father made them years ago out of whatever lumber he could scrounge up, they look pretty good, and they are sturdy, but I think he made them all with two things in mind. One he built them to fit his stature, which limits who can sit in them, and he didn't make them too comfortble because he always had the theory that there was too much sitting around going on, and not enough working. He has one in particular that he pulls out when someone drops in that he doesn't want to stay to long, give them an uncomfortable chair and hopefully they'll move on quick.

Lucky for me, they fit me great, so it's not a problem. He also likes variety I guess, because he painted them all a different colour, we have a couple shades of red, a green one and a yellow one. I like the red one, I think it repels the flies a bit.

Bob should be over soon, he'll come bebopping down the lane in his sun glasses and dew-rag, which I guess keeps the dew from settling on his bald head in the morning. He'll bring his own coffee because he doesn't trust me to make him a cup he can drink.

There's grass to be cut around here, and we really could stand to chop some kindling, and the garden needs to be tilled and made ready for planting. We haven't got anything planted yet but weeds, however they are doing nicely, some of them look good enough to eat. Why is it that unedible stuff grows so well and vegetables are such a piece of work? This has been a late start to the season, too many rainy days and windy nights, the work is piling up. The wharf is all askew (that means all f'd up) and needs to be straightened up again and anchored.

Thank God these adirondack chairs fit me so well....I think I will just sit here for a little while longer.......

SILVERSCOPES
If today is your birthday, you are an individual with eclectic tastes. Have a look at what you are wearing right now and ask yourself, 'Is this eclectic?' Well, first go look up eclectic in the dictionary then ask yourself.
You like the outdoors and running through fields of heather naked, which may be explained by your Scottish heritage that you don't know about or understand, but it also explains your love for unrequited love for plaid tartans.
You are a hearty eater and love to watch someone cook, especially if they are cooking for you. You're not fond of vegetables, making having a garden a waste of precious time that you could be spending running through fields of heather.
You succeed in work that pays you, provided the work is easy.
Your hobbies are watching paint dry, television and people sewing, which always gives you delightful shivers up your spine.
Your lucky numbers are 4, 5, 99, 24, 73 and 56302.

Sunscreen Saves Lives - Maybe

Whew! Finally Friday ! What a week. It's busy around the old Silverhorn Lodge. Between getting the Lodge ready for the steady influx of guests that we are expecting and keeping the damm grass cut during all the wet grass growing weather we've had, the work has been non-stop. We're expecting to be busier this year because we have entered into an agreement with a cheap hotel in town to handle their overflow. Because most of the visitors to Silverhorn Mountain are cheap, we think we will be busy.

I have also come to the conclusion that, although they may work cheap, and they don't eat much, garden gnomes are not really very helpful as far as a maintenance crew is concerned. In fact, they are no good at all. But I am going to keep them around because they have done a fairly good job as the Silverhorn Researchers, helping me bring you all those tiny tidbits of information that you might have otherwise missed.

I now have them researching ways to make money, so I expect things will start to turn around soon. Ever since I banished him to behind the outhouse Marcello has been a bit disgruntled. He's been talking about quitting and going back to school, maybe getting an online degree. They are starting to get a little expensive to have around anyway, Alonzo's birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and he wants a moped scooter. We'd never see him if he had one of those, he'd be in town checking out the women all the time.

Frequent readers to this post will remember that I believe in smart protection from the sun. Especially up here on the mountain, we are even closer to the sun than the valley boys and girls so we have to take extra precautions with skin care. Now researchers have announced that sun screen may not be providing all the protection that was previously thought. Apparently, some sunscreen, under some conditions, applied frequently, and depending on the time of the day and your particular skin makeup save lives, sometimes.

But, a word of caution, some sunscreen is better than none and the more the merrier. I suffer from a sensitivity to sun exposure which can be quite troublesome. That's why if you run into me on a hot summer day I am usually dressed in long sleeves and long pants and a hat and sunglasses, and if you look close, you will see that I am completely lathered in sunscreen.So lathered that I am slippery...now they are telling me I have to put on more of it.

Now fear of sun bathing worries me because the last thing you are going to find on this blog is me telling women to cover up!! Hell No!! Not on this mountain. So I have decided to do what I can to help out.

I am taking my sunscreen crusade on the road, this summer I will be visiting beaches across the continent, paying particular attention to the clothing optional beaches, offering free sunscreen applications. Yes folks, why get your hands all messy with slippery sunscreen when you can have a professional Silverhorn Sunscreen Applicator rub it on for ya! Of course this special offer only applies to women, unfortunately, the men are gonna have to go it alone. Watch for me with the Silverhorn Sunscreen Fun Wagon coming to a beach near you!!

Until I get there to look after you, look for a sunscreen that offers UVA and UVB and lots of other initials. It should be at least an SPF of 30 and you should apply it frequently.

SILVERSCOPES
If today is your birthday you are short to average height for your age, slightly overweight, and your hair is soon going to thin out if it hasn't already. Check the mirror, look closely.....it's thinning.
You wonder why you have to go to the bathroom more than usual, especially when you are drinking.
You are taking anxiety medication several times a day and with good reason. You worry about things like traffic lights falling down on your car while you wait at a red light, and if the lug nuts on your car wheels are tight. You've been known to wear two pairs of pants at the same time in case you rip the first pair. Your spouse keeps a divorce application form in the nightstand next to your bed.
You will benefit from a higher education, probably at least to grade 7, or at least a weight loss program.
You should avoid the sun today, at least until you have covered yourself in sunscreen.
You should avoid drinking too much, it makes you go to the bathroom.
Your lucky numbers are 10,20,30,40,50,60, and 89.

See Ya

Elmer Shipnagger, Elvis and the Big Bang

Well, the Silverhorn Code has been broken, the answer is in the comments of yesterday's posting. Marcello, my own little chief garden gnome around here posted the answer, apparently using Maggie's computer, which, I might add, bring ups several more unanswered questions.....

Thank you Marcello, and in particular, thanks for letting me look even dumber than usual by not telling me yesterday about the golden ratio. I could say I knew the answer but ...that just wouldn't be right.....However, for not telling me sooner, Marcello has been suspended for 1 week from the lodge and is banished to standing behind the outhouse. Maggie hasn't been banished for helping him , but she does have some explaining to do......

This just in from our correspondent in Berlin (a lot of stuff comes from our Berlin Correspondent) filed tonight through the Reuters news agency. It seems a man being arrested for shoplifting tried to bite his way out of the clutches of the police unsuccessfully because he had forgot to put his teeth in. The stalwart Berlin police were not deterred by the savage gumming they received and made the arrest. The police got even with him later on at the jail when they served him a well done steak for supper, with a side dish of corn on the cob.

Here on Silverhorn Mountain, we pride ourselves on not being too nosy, (not noisy - nosy) and that's what makes our little hamlet such a great place to live, especially if you are a presumed dead celebrity. We Silverhorners are pretty good at keeping a secret too, so the celebs are pretty happy to move right in and make themselves at home. We have quite a few of them now, I can't name them of course, but let's just say that Kareoke Night in the Silverhorn Mountain Lodge Kareoke Bar is well worth the $2.00 cover. Now I am not saying if he is here, because, well that would be just wrong....but Forbes Magazine has ranked Elvis Presley's estate as the worlds richest, earning $52 million last year. Not bad for a guy that 'died' in 1977. One of our locals, who goes by the name 'Chuck' deposited a little under $52 million in the Silverhorn Bank a couple of weeks ago, it was a little shy of $52 million because he bought a pink Hummer......

Last night we were fortunate to have Elmer Shippnagger deliver an enthralling lecture on his recent trip Hong Kong where he was lucky enough to hear the aclaimed physcist, Dr. Stephen Hawking, deliver a lecture. I'm not sure if Elmer met with the famed scientist afterwards or not, but he sure had some stories.....Elmer is an amateur physicist who took up physicism a few years ago when his wife left him. In the course of drinking his troubles away, he himself came up with some interesting big bang theories which apparently caught the eye of the scientific community, and the local police. The local police were a lot more interested than the scientific community so Elmer left town for a while. Now he's back, sporting a nice new beard, and a shaved head. So last night we invited Elmer to the Silverhorn Lodge Lecture Hall where he told an excited, engaged group of local Silverhorn Citizens that he enjoyed his visit to Hong Kong to see Dr. Hawking. Apparently he was a little disappointed to discover that the scientist's lecture about cosmology didn't provide much information on the cosmetic industry, another interest of Elmers, always a sufferer of rough, dry, blemished skin.......

Elmer did manage to put on a terrific slide show of his trip photos. While in Hong Kong Elmer visited a well known brothel, purely for scientific research, where he captured some exciting photos which draw new meaning to the "Big Bang" theory.....

And speaking of Dr Hawking, it turns out he is writing a children's book with his daughter about 'theoretical physics'.....ok...sounds good...I, and millions of other children just like me can hardly wait for that one...I hope there's gonna be pictures. Geez.... all I had to read as a kid was Dr. Suess, The Cat in the Hat...and I thought it was pretty deep.

Well I gotta go, "Chuck" is stepping up to the kareoke mic and he does a rendition of Hound Dog sweet enough to die for......

Oops..almost forgot....TIme Now For SILVERSCOPES!!

If today is your birthday, God help ya, you have been born on the wrong day. This is going to haunt you for the rest of your life, so you'll have to live with it.
Nonetheless, you are clever with your hands but haven't any eye hand coordination, so everything you make comes out misshapen although well put together. You are very lucky with members of the opposite sex, especially when they find out you are good with your hands, however their interest in you wanes quickly when they discover your hands don't always go where your eyes are looking....
You do well in jobs that don't require air travel because you bear an uncanny resemblance to Osama Bin Laden which tends to slow things down at the boarding gate in most airports.
You don't make many friends, but those you do make stay loyal for life as long as they can get past the eye hand coordination problem.
Your lucky numbers are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 and your bonus number is 9 (good luck playing those in the lottery....)

Mona Lisa's Words - The Silverhorn Code

Hi Gang Welcome Home...
Well we have stirred up the pot with our question about what Mona Lisa might be going to say when the Japanese scientists finally get her lips to move.
Our correspondent in Berlin, and life long member of Silverhorn Lodge has come up with this as Mona Lisa's words... according to Maggie, Mona is about to say, "Don't hate me just because I am a 1.618:1" Which of course is correct. I mean what else would she say?? That's exactly what I was thinking it would be. Now I can't give Maggie a lifetime membership because she already has one, but...oh well what the Hell, she was the first to reply. Congratulations Maggie, you just moved to Triple Platinum Double Lifetime Membership status. I'll get one of the gnomes to send you your package.

Now, we can't end this here, I know that you still want to make a suggestion so feel free let us know what you think is on the tip of Mona's tongue....try to keep it clean, I run a family lodge. By the way, if any one knows what the hell a "1.618:1" is, please let me know a.s.a.p. So until someone figures it out, (the team of Silverhorn Researchers are working on it now) we will refer to it as the 'Silverhorn Code'
UPdate: Through a little arm twisting I now understand the meaning of 1.618:1.... readers of the DaVinci Code would have picked up on that immediately, unfortunately I only read the DuhVinci Code.
We also received the third or fourth installment of a diatribe from someone claiming to be the judge who lost his seat on the bench because he was caught talking to three gnomes. Now I have always been a supporter of the aforementioned judge, but to tell the truth I am starting to have some concerns.....

And finally, in Bears Movies and Bombs, Seven Star Hand has offered some enlightenment on the gnostic texts and the DaVinci Code, it's not a bad read, look for it in the comments under that post. I have a feeling Seven Star Hand might be an interesting chap to have a coffee with, although he might be more interesting over a rum cokatina.

We might have to rethink our Silverscopes Horroscopes...apparently several people who read yesterday's If Today is your birthday installment got a little upset. However, a few of their family members contacted me to tell me I was bang on with my profile.

Cut the grass around here tonight, it was only 3 feet tall. The good news is I found the picnic table and a family of pheasants that were nesting in the tall grass, the bad news is, I found the pheasants with the lawn mower......

Well, the old folks called tonight, they had been out and bought a few plants....needed a hand planting them, wondered if I might be available. So I had a little snooze then headed over to their place to get to work. They were half finished when I got there. It amazing what two people whose combined age is 175 years old can do. By the time I got there, they had planted about 15 plants, the old fella had stolen about 10 buckets of garden earth from the pile in the neighbors back yard. All that was left for me was to plant about 6 tomato plants and pick up the garden tools and put them away. Oh yeah and put the electric drill away. He had installed a couple of new window boxes as well...I got tired out watching them, so I went in the house for a little while and had a little nap. They came in when the showers turned to a downpour.......

And speaking of our correspondent in Berlin, (we were, first paragraph...duh) this just in from Berlin, hot off the Reuters Newswire. A 68 year old man in a wheelchair got stuck in a elevator in a hospital. (By the way, get this, he was a retired elevator repairman.) He fell out of his wheelchair and was stuck on the floor of the elevator for 80 hours....not minutes hours....he apparently pushed the help button repeatedly but no one came to help him...why you ask? I'll tell ya, because all the hospital staff were outside dredging a nearby canal. I don't make this stuff up...this is fact...So here is what happened. An old guy in a wheelchair goes missing in a hospital, so all the staff immediately rush outside and start looking for him in the canal, for three days... Like that is where an old guy in a wheelchair would go.....No thanks to the hospital folks he survived, but only because he had a bag of cookies with him to eat....So, Silverhorn Safety Tip 1376 is....lifejackets don't save lives - cookies do....

I felt so bad for the old guy that I invited him over to Silverhorn Mountain for a few days R&R at the Lodge, he arrived yesterday, he is staying away from the lake though.....

Here's one of interest to readers of the Lost Treasure of Silverhorn Mountain. A man in California thought he struck it rich in his back yard when his metal detector started beeping, so he started digging, down to about 63 feet....he had planned to only go 3 or 4 feet, but that's what gold fever can do folks...he had two neighbors helping him, bringing the dirt up in buckets on a rope..anyway he had to stop when the authorities arrived, and made him fill it in...apparently he had run afoul of ..you guessed it occupational health and safety rules...it ain't like the old gold rush days in California. What next, you can't even dig a 63 foot hole in your backyard anymore.....

and now.. SILVERSCOPES !!!

If today is your birthday, (June 14th) you are cute, but not pretty, maybe pretty cute. You try hard to be all things to all people, and that often gets you in trouble with your spouse because being all things to other people can play havoc with a marriage or similiar recognized relationship.
You have no attributes to speak of, and in fact the couple that you may have, are not able to be spoken of in mixed company, in the presence of children or in earshot of a police officer, vice squad.
Your first love was your last, and they moved away 2 days after meeting you, explaining that they had always wanted a job on a shrimp trawler in the North Sea and just had to follow their dream. You are optimistic, you believe they'll be back some day, they've only been gone 23 years.....
You succeed in jobs requiring no motivation on your behalf, and where a successful day means just showing up.
Your lucky numbers are...(wait till I check the chart....) ok, yeah, well your lucky numbers are 9...and....well, lets see... no, apparently it's just 9...

Good Luck With That!!

Well I gotta go, the gnomes and I have a little hole in the backyard we have to fill in, just as soon as we get the old fella in the wheelchair out....I hope he has another bag of cookies with him...
See Ya

Mona Lisa Speaks - You heard it here, or somewhere else

Gang, welcome back to the Silverhorn! Time for our daily look at what we can see from Silverhorn Lodge, situated on the side of shimmering Silverhorn Lake, high atop majestic Silverhorn Mountain.

In addition to todays regular update, we've added a new feature, the gnomes and I are hoping you will learn from, we call it "SILVERSCOPES BIRTHDAY READINGS" which is a combination of a Behavioral Analysis Profile and type of horoscope reading based on the ancient readings that I am sure you will find enlightening. It's at the bottom of the page.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.
It's been a funny day around here, just before I plugged in to the couch to re-charge the battery, it was pouring rain, and miserable outside. When Marcello woke me up an hour later, the sun was shining and it looks great out there. This is a problem, the only excuse I had for not cutting the grass was the rain......uh-oh....well, it's a little too late to start the mower now, only about two hours of daylight left, I don't want to disturb any of the little kids who might be going to bed. If I stay here typing quietly the wife may not notice I haven't cut the grass.....

Here's something I came across today from the AP Press, which I believe is the Associated Press but don't quote me about that, but I am gonna quote them....it turns out that in Japan, scientists have found a way to make the Mona Lisa talk. Now you know the Mona Lisa, and if you don't you're stupid, however, for the benefit of those of you that qualify under the 'stupid' category, the Mona Lisa is a painting. (I'd also like to refer you back to the Am I Stupid Blog which can be found in the archives, it might help you) It was created by Leonardo DaVinci, the same DaVinci who's name comes up in the recent bestseller by Dan Brown....anyway...back to Japan. It seem these scientists have found a way to get Mona to say a few words, or a lot of words, we're not sure...she is a woman so what does that suggest.....(oh I'm gonna get comments now....)

Now, I know what you are thinking......you are wondering what she is going to say aren't you? Never mind that a better question might be, 'how they gonna do that?' You just wanna know what she is gonna say......well, this will come as a surprise to those of you who are regular readers of this posting, but the truth is, I have no friggin'
idea what she is gonna say....

Now I wish I could tell you exactly how they are going to achieve this remarkable feat of science, but I cannot for the life of me find the news report and read it so I could tell you. So that leaves me with only two choices, I can wait until I find it, and report on it later, or I can just make it up.....and you know how I frown on fictional news reports in this blog. So after putting our famous Silverhorn Mountain Research Department to work, here is what the gnomes...er....Researchers came up with:

"Through a new scientific breakthrough, Japanese camera makers have designed a camera that reads lips which then transposes the words formed on the lips of a person in a painting into allegorical symbols that can be read using an algorithmic formula that in turn refers to an online world dictionary and in turn reveals the actual word or words forming on the lips by the shape, texture and color of the lips....this information is then printed out on a $89 printer from Walmart."

So, those of us following this story are waiting, not so patiently I might add, to hear what Mona has on her mind. Oh the things she must have seen, the famous thinkers of the Renaissance Period that she would have met and perhaps enjoyed (*wink*) This is a big one folks. And it doesn't stop there, it's not just Mona Lisa, this can be applied to so many more paintings. We'll find out exactly what is on the minds of all the canvas's in the major art galleries of the world. We've even got a few major works of art around the lodge that I would love to hear what the model has to say, one in particular, has always fascinated me, "Dogs Playing Poker" I think the beagle has a full house.....

Lets not lose sight of this just because the news is full of al-Zarqawi biting it, or Aboo taking over, we need to follow this story and report it here in this blog, in the comments. I'd also love to hear what you think Mona might say, when she finally opens her mouth and speaks, so post your ideas and lets see who can guess her first words. Who knows you might win a free membership in the Silverhorn Lodge.

I'm looking at my very own Mona Lisa right now, in the form of the wife, she hasn't said anything yet, in fact I asked her not to, instead I am looking at her lips and trying to figure out exactly what she is going to say... it's a little garbled I have to do one letter at a time...but I think it's w h y h a v e n t u c u t t h e g d g r a s s ?"


NEW FEATURE - SILVERSCOPES BIRTHDAY READINGS

If today is your birthday, congratulations. You are reasonably smart, (well you at least you try hard), you like to do little things with your fingers that no one can understand, even therapists. Your family and friends all love you, but don't particularly like to spend too much time alone with you. You're fond of golf balls, and like the feel of them against your skin. You've been known to be a hard drinker and have been barred from several bars, a small sun tanning salon and a mini golf establishment.
You should avoid angry mobs, terrorists, poison snakes, serial killers and alligators.
A self improvement program would benefit you immensely. You get along best with people who don't know you. You probably won't excell in a career, but will find sucess through the various social welfare programs available.
Your lucky numbers are: 234532, 457, 890,34567892, 13456 and 8. ( Be careful with these, the research is new and we are not 100% sure these are 'lucky' numbers....)

p.s. Now you knew I couldn't leave the 'what is Mona gonna say' question unanswered until tomorrow didn't ya?
I hanve been analyzing the picture and have come up with a few possiblities:

1) "Do you want fries with that?"
2) "Supersize your order tonight sir?"
3) "Welcome to Walmart."
4) "Lenny, darling, it's not you, it's me...."
5) "No...I am not completely disappointed, but size does matter...."
6) "It's 50 bucks, if you want me to stay all night it's $100."
7) "I hate to be critical of your artistic ability Leonardo, but I don't think you got my mouth right."
8) "This picture makes me look fat."
9) "I'm not mad...I'm just not talking to you."
10) "No...end of discussion"

al-Zarqawi Replacment Found - it's Aboo!!!

Hey Ho, Silverhorners, lets get the day off with a little world news. The sun is shining and things seem, well just a little bit brighter.....

Apparently old al-Zarqawi had barely breathed his final breath before the boys in al-Qaida had found themselves a replacement. The criteria for the top jobs in that outfit are pretty loose, it doesn't take long to find a replacement after one of them gets blown to smithereens.

Now I'm thinking this is a picture of the type of indiviuals we are dealing with here. In a matter of hours, perhaps minutes even, a volunteer steps up to fill the shoes of the dead guy. Here on Silverhorn Mountain, we have trouble finding a volunteer to take the garbage out on Tuesdays....in Iraqi, they line up to volunteer to be blown up....

The ernstwhile (always wanted to say that, even though I'm not sure what it means, or if it's even a word) replacement's name is Abu Hamez al Muhajer which I believe (for the benefit of the CNN news guys who have to say it night after night) is pronounced Aboo Hammis El-Moojar. That may take a little practice to say, so we will probably call him 'Aboo'.....just A- boo.....I think that is a very carefully chosen name, probably to throw off the troops, after all, they are probably thinking, who can shoot or drop a 500 pound bomb on someone named 'Aboo'? It sounds rather harmless, doesn't it...don't be fooled, I'm sure he's not harmless. But here in the safety of Silverhorn Lodge, perched on the side of beautiful Silverhorn Mountain, overlooking the shimmering waters of Silverhorn Lake, we feel pretty safe, so lets make fun of him every chance we get......'Hey A- boo !!! Are you smarter than the aveereeage bear? What does a dead terrorist, who is presumably a ghost say when he sneezes...AAAAA-Boooooo!!!

OK enough of that, and no I am not drinking tonight, obviously those pathetic jokes were sent in by one of our members, you know I am much too cerebral for anything that crazy......

Had a little birthday happening here at the lodge today, some of the gnomes even went to the trouble of talking one of the more artistic of them, 'Inky' I believe is his name, (he's a new gnome) into drawing a 'cute' cariacture of the boss on the whiteboard and announcing his birthday to all and sundry. Turns out Inky is very talented, in fact I would describe him as 'some kind of artist' However, his work has a very distinctive look about it, and unfortunately for Inky, I recognize his style from some early caricatures of the boss on the bathroom wall.

Very nice Inky, I'd like to see you in my office at 6:45 tomorrow morning, if I am not there when you arrive, wait for me....

Maggie, one of our life members, who I might add has just skyrocketed to Chief Utilitys Technician, Electronics, here at the Lodge, sent me a nice E card which above all gave me a good laugh, somewhat softening the approach I was going to take with Inky, just in the nick of time too. It's nice to see someone around here has a grasp of the internet and what it can do besides me....(I did however, have a little trouble opening the e-card....)

By the way Maggie, we haven't announced our Silverhorn Lodge Anti Terrorist Emergency Kit yet, but thanks for asking. If we continue to make fun of Aboo we might have to get it together a little sooner than originally planned. I have a partial list of the products to be included, but I am having trouble finding a good hand grenade supplier.....

My wife, bless her heart gave me a 'Wild Winks' drinking game, which I think means she wants to get me drunk...she also bought me some high bar stools, I think she may be planning to get me drunk and see if I can stay on the barstool without falling off.....she knows it's not necessary to get me drunk to take advantage of me......

First Aid for Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

High Water, the theme for things around Silverhorn Mountain these days. Looking down on the vallley I just saw my buddy Bob's (you remember Bob, we went after the Lost Treasure of Silverhorn Mountain) wharf go floating by. It looked like Bob was on it, from this distance it was hard to tell. I got the binoculars out, but it was too late and a little too foggy to see clearly. All I can say for sure was that there was a guy standing on the wharf in a pair of chest waders and a 'doo- rag' whatchmacallit on his head. It was either Bob or Snoop Dog. Can never be sure, I don't think it was Binn Laden, he is much taller than Bob, although there is a resemblance, especially on those days when Bob dresses in robes and a turban and hides out in the old Silverhorn Mountain bat cave. We usually just let him be, he always comes back looking refreshed.

He'll be alright, nothing to worry about, the worst can happen is he floats over to the river, drifts out into the ocean and heads for England. That's ok too, I think he told me one time he had relatives over there and would love to pay them a visit. I imagine he'll get picked up by a passing freighter long before that. I hope he has a sandwich tucked into the pocket of those chest waders.

Speaking of Binn Laden, it seems now that his compatriot and right hand man that got wasted the other day, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi may not have died as quickly as originally reported. The LA times are running an article that indicates he was still alive when the Iraqi police and the US forces on the ground reached the site of the bombing.
Witnesses are now reporting that he had been strapped to a stretcher for transport when the soldiers got there. Apparently they felt first aid was in order and may have tried some on him.

From what I have read, it seems they tried chest compressions, similar to the kind done when someone has a heart attack. Al-Zarqawi must have been in bad shape. Instead of the usual hands over the chest type compressions, the witness indicated the soldier put his foot on al-Zarqawi's chest and started pressing. Well, it was a valiant attempt to restart his heart, but apparently to know avail.

The soldier must have been a compassionate man because while he was administering the foot first aid, he was asking al-Zarqawi where his friends were. I guess he wanted to let them know about al's misfortune and perhaps invite them to a wake.

Now of course, stories like this will have a bunch of tongues wagging, but I gotta tell ya, if I was there, and I got a chance, I would have liked to administer a little first aid to him myself. Maybe mouth to gun.....I've heard if you stuff a hand grenade in someone's shirt and pull the pin you can get their heart started again.

Well, I got to go, the wind just hauled around and I see Bob is blowing back over this way again. I don't want him washing up on my shore with that old wharf........

The Husband Did It - There's Mud on the Tires

Hi Silverhorners, friends, family and colleagues, how's it going today?

It's another rainy Saturday here on Silverhorn Mountain. Rain and lots of it coming down most of the day and the outlook for tomorrow is not much better.

Good weather to be a duck I guess, or a fish, or a raincoat manufacturer.

Most of us here on the mountain are getting a little house bound, stuck inside watching the rain, but to tell you the truth, I am happy we are perched on the side of a mountain. All this rain is starting to worry the folks down in the Silverhorn Valley. I saw a couple of them in life jackets this afternoon. Silverhorn folks like to be prepared. I have been selling Silverhorn Mountain Emergency Kits like crazy all afternoon. We put them in garbage bags now instead of cardboard boxes, throw in a cheap plastic rain poncho and call them Silverhorn Mountain Lodge All Weather Emergency Kits. That way we can charge a lttle more.

To top it off, television has been rotten all day, nothing on but repeats (watched the same episode of Seinfeld twice today, and I had already seen it a dozen times over the last year or so) and stupid stuff, although tonight, as I write this, the wife is watching a 48 Hours Real Mystery show which seems quite interesting. Something about a husband killing his wife. She always watches these kinds of shows with interest, and for the next few days will be looking at me carefully. Oh well, I prefer her watching this kind to the wife kills husband variety. Those always leave me feeling a little....well...shall we say...vunerable. It's almost always the husband or the wife behind the murder, seldom the best friend or total stranger, always the one closest to the scene. I can't imagine why...oh give me a second...........................................................................(this means elapsed time).....................................

OK I'm back, sorry about that, I had to stop typing to tell my wife to get me a drink and pop me some popcorn before she goes outside to take my hunting dogs out for a run before bed.

This rain is going to play hell on the road to Silverhorn Lodge, it will be mud and more mud by tomorrow. Which is not unusual since it is mud most of the time except during the winter when it is snow and ice, and in the summer when it becomes a long narrow cloud of dust. I'm never sure what is worse, although there is something to be said about spinning the old 4X4 through the mud on the way up the mountain, even more fun with bald tires, especially on the hairpin turns. We have our own Brad Paisley Mud Fest here every spring. I must drop Brad a line and invite him up, I'm sure he'd enjoy it.

Uh-oh, I think I better go, the real life murder show has only been on a few minutes and I just heard her say, "I think the husband did it." This can't be good for me.

See Ya!!
Guestbook

Bears, Movies and Bombs

Hi Silverhorners!!Welcome back, c'mon in and pull up a chair. I just noticed that we have passed a milestone, this is our 51st story. We hit the big 50 in our last post, and still going strong, I thought I would have run out of stuff after about 5....Thanks to all of our members, even Carlyle and Alphonse, who are still behind on some of their facility fees but what the heck....

It's raining. Silverhorn Lake is rising up over the lawn, covering Marcello's feet. I put him down by the lakeshore to keep an eye on the wharf and the boats. He is looking a little nervous, keeps pointing to the sky as if to tell me it's raining. Like I don't know. I think he is getting a little worried. It's hard to take him serious, he's always pointing to the sky.

This is great grass growing weather, not so great for grass cutting. If this keeps up I will need a commercial mowing machine to mow the acres of luxurious lawn surrounding the lodge. I like to keep the picnic table area cut short for the guests who like to eat outdoors even if I don't share their passion.

To some folks there is nothing that compares with setting up a camp stove, cooking up their lunch and eating under the sun at a picnic table. Not me, I don't care much for flies in my food, or hornets on my face. That's what outdoor eating equates to for me. Besides around here, in the wilds of Canada, you never know when a hungry black bear might decide to join you for a meal. We have a mother and a cub that come around here regularly, we call them, (get this, it's so original) Yogi and BooBoo, or sometimes, those F-in bears. They pop by usually unannounced and lick up the picnic tables and poke around the composter. Contrary to public belief, they are not all that friendly. I pretty much give them the run of the place, while I usually just run.

On another note, finally went to see the DaVinci Code, a couple of nights ago. My teenage daughter took me to see it. So I suppose a review is in order. It's ok, not bad. I think it helps to read the book first, or be aware of some of the topics it covers. Otherwise a person could be lost in the story, or think it a little far fetched. It does try to fill in the blanks by explaining a lot of history or supposed history as it goes along, for the benefit of the unwashed, but even with that, I think some of it would be lost on people. It's about 21/2 hours long, maybe a little more, but it really should have been longer to tell all the stuff that you need to know to appreciate the story. That's why reading the book, or having some prior knowledge of it before hand would be helpful.

The acting is ok, Tom Hanks does an ok job as the Professor of Symbology, Robert Langdon, but I haven't had much contact with professors, let alone professors of 'symbology' so I am not sure what one would be like anyway. The last time I say Hanks he was a castaway on an island, now he's a professor, good for him, it's nice to see he got his life back in order following his rescue. Midway through the story, I did find myself thinking, I wonder what the Robin Williams movie playing next store would be like. I thought I heard people laughing.....

So I guess I should give you a movie rating, knowing how you hang on my every word, and usually go by whatever I tell you. So, lets see, for the telling of what is or should be an exciting story, I will give it 4 gnomes out of 10, for acting, I will give it a 6 gnomes out of 10 and for filmography, (that's camerawork) 6 out of 10 and for an overall artistic merit, 6 gnomes out of 10. Not exactly a hit with me. Overall movie going experience, 10/10 but that's only because I went with my daughter.

Speaking of bombing.....and world events for a second, seems this wasn't a great week to be a terrorist, a bunch of them got rounded up in Canada, and one of Binny Laden's boys, one of the top dogs in Iragi/Afganistan met his maker thanks to a nice bit of bombing. It's great they got him, too bad it was a bomb, kinda takes a bit of the satisfaction of a slow death out of it, but what the hell, the only good terrorist is a dead one, no matter how he gets there. I hope when he gets to 'utopia' or where ever it is they think they are going, that the 1000 virgins waiting for him are all ugly.

Well, I better get going, it's been nice talking to you but Marcello is really starting to look scared, the lake has risen up to his chin now, and he's looks to be about to try and swim. I don't know if you know this or not, but cement garden gnomes are not known as particularly good swimmers and Marcello is no exception.

Oh, he's gonna have to wait a little longer, I think I just heard someone say "Hey BooBoo, I'm smarter than the average bear...."

I hope Marcello can hold his breath.

A New Perspective on Self Improvement Silverhon Lodge Style

Hi, welcome back to the View From Silverhorn Lodge.

Things are pretty good here at the Lodge today, no major problems, although Blogger was down this evening for a scheduled outage, I suspect to upgrade their equipment to keep up with the heavy traffic they are experiencing from folks coming to the Lodge.

There seems to be a shortage of boats on the lake this year, I suspect in part because the weather hasn't been too cooperative and in part because of the price of gasoline. Those big engines suck up gas like Marcello sucks the milk out of the bottom of a milkshake cup. Somehow tearing up the lake is not so attractive when you realize you are also tearing up a couple of hundred dollars. That's got put a little bite in the boat biz.

A dear friend of Silverhorn Lodge suggested today that we should begin to publish some self help, self improvement articles which might be of some interest and hopefully some help to you. Now, as a past reader of many books on the subject of self improvement, I feel quite qualified to plagerize articles and entire chapters from some of the most respected self improvement gurus in the field. However...what fun would there be in that? Ah no, not for us, you know our motto....lets see, what is it again, oh yeah, "Be careful with matches" ...nope, that's not it, it's really "we do the research so you don't have to" So considering that's our angle, instead of plagerizing the crap from some other self improvement guy, I will endeavor to write my own..... just for you, and I make this pledge, that if you are not better for having read this, I will give you your money back....oh wait, you haven't actually paid anything have you...although two of our members still owe around $53.79 for their memberships....

Lesson One - Perspective
I'm watching Mike Douglas (I can call him Mike because we are both celebrities) and Sharon Stone heating things up in what I believe is Basic Instinct. It's quite the movie....whew....I'm not sure I am old enough to be watching it to be honest. I have my back turned as I type this, but I can keep an eye on the television in the mirror. I saw this movie before so by watching it in the mirror it's a little like watching a new movie, all the movements etc are opposite to the original 'non watched in a mirror' version. Kind of puts things in a little different 'perspective' which of course is the subject of tonights self improvement lesson.

It is very easy to adopt a 'perspective' on things, but not so easy to accept a new perspective on things. Hard as it may be to believe, I myself am guilty of what I call tunnel perspective. I often have trouble to understand why another person would have a perspective or opinion different than mine. Yes, it's true although I know most of you wouldn't believe it. However, because self improvement is my goal, both for yours truly and 'yous' truly, I challenge you to try to look at things from a different perspective for a little while, just try it, maybe for a day or two. Now you can do this in several ways, but the first exercise I suggest is that when you see someone looking at something, walk right up to them, get your face down beside their face so you are looking in exactly the same direction as them, from the same height and say, "I'm trying to see things from your perspective." Initially they will probably move back, perhaps even jump back, if they do, don't hesitate to grab hold of them.

It will be a challenge at first, but before long, as you continue to read The View From Silverhorn Lodge, your own self improvement will happen as you begin to see things from my perspective, which of course....is the only correct perspective.......

Be sure and watch for more articles on the exciting subject of self improvement in the upcoming days, I'm sure I can milk this one for weeks.....

Bob Parker
Manager, Silverhorn Mountain Lodge
Self Professed Self Improvement Guru

Roasting by the Fire witha Girl Named Nicky

Hello my loyal fellow members and guests of Silverhorn Lodge. Welcome back. I hope you enjoy the view from the veranda. The sun is setting over beautiful Silverhorn Lake in what is a surprising ending to a kind of overcast day.

I just got off the phone with a nice young lady named Nicky, who tried very hard to sell me a $39.00 idea for a home business that she assures me is earning her $3000.00 a month and she only has to work a couple of hours a week. I didn't get in to the particulars of the business with her but for that kind of money I assumed it was a phone sex line and I already have one of those so I don't need another one.

She even offered to send me the $39.00 worth of information for free, provided I paid the $10 shipping fee, and of course if I didn't return it in 15 days I would owe her the full $39.00. She was very nice. Has a teenage daughter just like me and a fairly young baby. Her husband works in a call centre, she says his job sucks.....I feel bad for him, I feel bad for most people that work in a call centre. Apparently where he works they really time the staff, and monitor their calls and give them 'heck' if they are on the phone too long or not long enough....must be tough working in the call centre business.......

Anyway, I used my sexiest Silverhorn Lodge voice and explained that I was already pretty busy running a virtual lodge and a blog or two and didn't think I had any time to spend making money.....She was very understanding, I think it was my sexy Silverhorn Mountain man voice that won her over. I think she is going to join us here at the lodge tonight. Reverse telemarketing I call that. When people call you to sell you something, confuse the hell out of them telling them about The View From Silverhorn Lodge, RobertParker.blogspot.com. Works everytime.

She was very understanding when I said that I probably filled out her online survey when I was monkeying around trying to get some more ads for this site. Inadvertently I gave her all my contact info and probably the credit card number of one of our members...c'mon, I wasn't gonna give her mine.

The good news is, we parted friends and if I am ever in the states, I just gotta look her up and we'll go for a drink. Her name was Nicky....she sounded cute......

Well, one day on the site and already one of our new products has attracted the attention of some of our readers. Yes I am talking about the yellow shorts....and the apparently transparent white ladies top. I think they would make a smashing ensemble for casual Fridays at work, or just hanging around the Silverhorn on a Saturday afternoon drinking tequila.

On another totally differnent note, I see someone linked my blog to his, in a story related to gnomes, the one about the judge that sought advice from three gnomes. This guy didn't seem to think that was possible and mentioned my three by name. Marcello is particularly excited about getting on a blog other than this one. I had to explain to Marcello he wouldn't be happy there because that particular blogger, who shall remain nameless because I can't find his site again, didn't believe gnomes could talk.

Here is something I like. A guy in Belgrade, which is in the suburbs I think, no maybe that is Serbia...well it seems he got a little pissed about the towing charges while trying to get his car back, so instead of paying the charges he set it on fire and watched it burn.....cool. I have often thought about doing something like that. Nothing like a good fire to warm the cockles of your heart. (heart cockles are tiny little feathers that swish the blood through your heart arteries - we do the research.....)

One snowy day around the Lodge I dragged an old couch down by the lake and covered it with gasoline. Wow, what a fire, I had a six foot wide, twelve foot high wall of flame...it melted the snow for several hundred feet around it. Everyone else around the lake was experienceing a blizzard, I was enjoying a nice fire and a lovely sunny afternoon. The guys from the fire department were a little annoyed, the fire truck got stuck in the snow in the driveway. They calmed down when Mrs Parker came out in her bikini and offered them a few marshmallows to roast...(Hey I coulda said she roasted their weiners...)

See ya!!

Terrorists, Polar Bears and the Sixth of June

Hi - Ho Silverhorners
Another Monday behind us, and into the week with a vengenance. Some of you more astute readers will notice we have somewhat expanded our commercial enterprise here at beautiful Silverhorn Mountain. Well, that is mainly because we can't keep this establishment going on crackers and cheese, we got to get moving and get a piece of the world wide pie.

The fishing hasn't been too good around here, and the hunting never was, so running a mountain sporting lodge is really just a facade for going bankrupt quick. So we have gone into sales, sales and more sales.....I put our crackerjack team of researchers to work and this is what they came up with as a money making enterprise. They post a few ads and I have to write a blog, every single day.......they cash the cheques, I put bandaids on my typing fingers. Oh well, I started this to have a laugh, I don't know where the money enters in....yeah right.

So I have launched a couple of additional blogs which I am going to try and link to this one, I think....one of them anyway. It's called Fishing with Robert Parker aimed more at the fishing crowd, whereas The View From Silverhorn Lodge is aimed at amore, well, cerebral group of readers.

I haven't been down to the lake in the past few days, obviously been too busy typing, and researching and cutting and pasting HTML code, but I expect my floating wharf is probably floating again. Lord knows where it floated off to this time. With all the rain we had over the weekend, I'm sure it pulled up stakes and floated away. This time I am not bringing it back. You know the old saying, if you love something, let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if it leaves again, it never was....

I might send the gnomes down tomorrow to check things out. Between the four of them they should be able to tie it up if it's still there.

Well, the Mounties got their man, as the slogan goes, apparently rounding up not one but 17 terrorists bound on blowing up some of Canada. Good going Mounties. Now it's up to the judges to put these guys away for a long, long, time. I am thinking a prison in the Arctic might be a good place for them. Put them up there in a couple of tents with some of the hungry polar bears and see how they make out. It might be a life changing event for them. Let's hope they got all of the buggers.

In Sydney Australia, they are trying something new to deal with what is an apparent problem with noisy cars gathering in places at night. Instead of noisy cars they are blasting Barry Manilow songs over loudspeakers to try and drive the car nuts away.(actually, the authorities call these chaps 'hooligans') The hooligans apparently consider Barry's music 'daggy' which of course all my informed readers know means, out of style, old fashioned. Well, I for one am affronted...I happen to like Barry's music, and don't consider it daggy at all, why I have been known to sing a rousing chorous of Copa Cabana and Mandy on occasion myself. Now if they really want to drive the car guys away, perhaps I should sell them a tape recording....I might be a big seller.

Now turning to Athens, (It's world news night) imagine the surprise on the wardens face when his team of diligent prision guards mentioned a helicopter had landed in the middle of the 'high security' prison compound and picked up a couple of inmates. Then they flew off into the wild blue yonder to freedom. Later on the landed the chopper and took off on motorbikes. (probably police motorcycles) A search has been launched. Wouldn't surprise me to find out the escapees have joined the search party......This my friends is more proof as to why a tent in the high arctic with a couple of polar bear guards, would be a great place for 17 terrorists.

Tomorrow, or today depending on when you are reading this, is June 6, 2006, which equates with 666 a number of special significance to the true believers amongst us. But try as I might, I really can't get 666 out of 06/06/2006, or 6/6/2006, or even 6/6/2/0/0/6 the 2,0, and 0 seem to get in the way, but if you add them up...stay with me folks, this is mathematical, 6+6+2+0+0+6 you get 20....which has special significance to me because that is exactly how much money I have to borrow from my wife to get through the day tomorrow...