Crusty In Oklahoma

Hi Silverhorner Guys and Dolls, how are ya'll?
Well, it seems Crusty the Alligator that is on the run in Florida instead of being moved to a reservation made a hell of a run for it. He's been spotted in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, not too far from where Garth Brooks was raised. He's been seen (Crusty, not Garth) around a pond in the northern part of the city. I had no idea alligators could run so far so fast. I guess the alternative was life on a reservation, or becoming a nice pair of cowboy boots, so Crusty decided to go live with the cowboys instead....We sent two of our researchers to Oklahoma to interview old Crusty, unfortunately we haven't heard from them....

Marcello has found his way to the front and back of some

**Cool Shirts and Stuff**

Check it out, there are lots of items there to give you a chance to show off your affilliation with Silverhorn Lodge. We were hoping to be able to offer some alligator boots, but as I mentioned our 'researchers' haven't been heard from.....

Well, I gotta go, tonight they are showing a 48 hour episode of '24' which is a concept I don't fully understand.......

"Ok Mr. President..." Jack Bauer - '24' Pretty deep eh...I wonder what it means

Marcello Portrait Unveiled

Hey Gang! Welcome to the Silverhorn!! So, what do you think of the latest picture of Marcello, the Chief Garden Gnome here at the Lodge. We're pretty proud of it and in fact, we have plastered it all over the


Marcello's pic comes to us courtesy of one of the newer members of the Silverhorn Lodge, who goes by the name Vasilliodo, which sounds pretty darn artistic, and matches his ability. There is nothing like having an Italian renaissance Artist on staff, right now he is outside painting the ceiling of one of the new, spacious, clean, deep, Silverhorn Lodge Outhouses. He is very versatile. We even have a sign over the door, "The Pisstine Chapel" it's sure to draw a crowd.

Like all good artists, Vasilliodo is a little tempermental. For example, while he was sketching Marcello from life he complained that the little fellow wouldn't hold still...now remember...Marcello is a 3 foot tall cement garden gnome...

Marcello is still enjoying his new celebrity status, and in fact has turned into quite the prima donna, insisting that he will no longer stand on real grass, we had to buy some astro turf for him. He's also not too keen on posing for pics with the other Silverhorn Gnomes, insisting on top star billing. Ordinarily, I would just stand him in the shed and forget about him for awhile, but, he might become famous, so I have to suck up, at least until I see what happens.

Speaking of Marcello, I apologize for leaving so soon, but I have to go give him a bath and a massage.....then he wants me to read him a story....

Has anyone heard how Hoppy the runaway Kangaroo is getting on in Ireland? I haven't heard a word for a few days, I hope no news is good news. Go Hoppy!!

A Scottish guest here at the Silverhorn Lodge strolled into the Silverhorn Lodge Lounge last night. I was tending bar, and as he came up to the bar I noticed he had a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," I said, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Scotsman, "It's drivin' me nuts!"

Well, I hate to leave good company but I have to go fluff up Marcello's pillow!

"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work." - Emile Zola

Hey Fat Guy - Keep Your Shirt On!!

Hey Silverhoners! C'mon in! The water's warm! Not a bad day around the Silverhorn Mountain, a little windy, but the rain held off and we even had a little sun this afternoon..at least I think it as the sun, I've seen it so seldom this year I'm never sure. There are two reasons for that, the first is because we have had a lot of overcast rainy days so far, and the second is because I am usually locked in the Blog Creation Space, here at Silverhorn Lodge. Unfortunately, the Blog Creation Space is in behind the furnace, in a windowless basement room.

Well first off, a thank you to "Musicman" for his comment on last night's story concerning Ken Jennings and his assault on Jeopardy and Alex Trebek. Musicman has suggested I read the actual letter that Ken wrote concerning Jeopardy. I would do that Musicman, but...that would mean I need a copy of the letter, I would have to give a damm, and it's far more fun to just run with a germ of an idea, not what actually happened.....Unlike the guy on let me see, I believe the name of the show was 'One Adam 12" who said, "Just the facts Ma'am" I tend to say, "Skip the facts Ma'am, we do our own research and come to our own conclusions here on Silverhorn Mountain. As we speak our researchers are trying to find out what Alex Trebek's handlers have programed him to say as a response to Jennings.

Now get this one...The Daily Mail in Britain is reporting that hot summer temperatures are leading lawmakers in the United Kingdom to consider a ban on middle aged men going shirtless. I suppose that's better than banning women from going shirtless, no mention of that in the news report....whew!

A government Minister has said that middle aged guys without shirts are scaring shoppers away from the shopping district. I can't help but wonder if the middle aged guys are shopping for shirts??

The government spokesperson even made the statement that "the men who like to bare their stomachs are the ones who have too much stomach." Guys...can you spell diskrimination? I mean discramination...well anyway...I bet if the fat guys let the stores print advertisements on their stomachs, they might not mind. So fat guys...if you want to go shirtless, sell advertising space on your tummy, you might make a buck....I'd stay away from ads for weight loss companies though....

Well I over slept this morning, so I am going to cut this short. Marcello, Chief Garden Gnome here at the Silverhorn Lodge, can't be counted on to wake me up anymore now that he is a picture about to appear on a tee shirt. He sleeps in himself, claiming he is a model, and needs his beauty rest.

Oh yeah, almost forgot, our GLAAM Girl, Maggie, tried out the face recognition program that confused me with...well....oh alright, Elton John. Maggie emailed to advise it matched her up with Britney Spears...Britney friggin Spears...I get Elton John....

Well, I guess I better put my shirt on, don't want to get arrested..there is some good news though! The British lawmakers seem to have overlooked the requirement for middle aged fat guys to wear their pants.....Yee Haw!!

I was riding around Silverhorn Village in my Sports Utility Vehicle yesterday and saw a man eating grass by the roadside. So naturally curious guy that I am, I had to ask why he was eating the grass. He told me he didn't have any money for food. I felt pretty bad for the poor old fellow, so I invited him over to the Lodge. He told me he had a wife and 4 kids. Magnaminous kinda guy that I am, (as you all know) I told him to bring them along, the grass is over three feet tall at the Lodge!

Today's Quote: "Some men look better with their shirt on." Jessica, girl who lives next door, referring to yours truly.

Britney Spears
sports utility
Alex Trebek
Ken Jennings

Smearing Marcello, Alex Trebek, and My Face

Hello Silverhorners
How are you tonight...or today?
Sorry to be late with today's report from cozy Silverhorn Mountain, situated on the side of majestic Silverhorn Mountain, on the shores of shimmering Silverhorn Lake and overlooking the village of you guessed it...Silverhorn.

I'm late getting at it tonight because I was a busy giving Marcello a good inking and putting some color in his face. Silverhorn Lodge, Marcello tee shirts are just around the corner, as soon as we can get the image right, and the color right and I can stop smudging the friggin ink...I inked about 7 or 8 pictures of him tonight and managed to smear the ink on each one of them, usually just as I was almost finished.

Finally got one done without much in the way of ink smears, but now I am not sure it's a good likeness....but the hell with it tonight, besides the wife was getting a little tired of posing....

I was surprised to see that Ken Jennings has come out blasting the game show Jeopardy and it's host good old Canadian born Alex Trebek. Mr Jennings posted the following diatribe on his website.

"You're like the Dorian Gray of syndication," he says. "You seem to think `change' means replacing a blue polyethylene backdrop with a slightly different shade of blue polyethylene backdrop every presidential election or so."

Mr. Jennings won 74 Jeopardy game shows in 2004 and won a bunch of money. But he apparently has something against Alex, indicating that he was a robot, but then pulling back a bit to say this:

"We regret the insinuation that Mr. Alex Trebek is a robot, and has been since 2004. Mr. Trebek's robotic frame does still contain some organic parts, many harvested from patriotic Canadian schoolchildren, so this technically makes him a `cyborg,' not a `robot.'"

I'm not sure what Jennings has against the robot..er Alex Trebek, but he sounds a little...well...disgruntled.

I always thought Alex was the smartest man in Canada, and possibly North America, he always seems to know the answers to the Jeopardy questions...

Around the Silverhorn we play a game called Mountain Jeopardy but it's played a little differently. Here, the wife asks me questions and I see if I can lie convincingly, without her catching on. If she doesn't, I alsways have a good laugh, if she does...well...the game usually goes to the "Sudden Death' round...

I'm not sure, but I think that Marcello has been telling her when I am not being exactly truthful, because whenever I get in trouble he always seems to have a smug little smile on his face. Come to think of it, he always has that look on his face.

On a serious note, (I seem to be feeling kind of serious tonight) 38 people have died so far in the heat wave that is hitting California. Imagine, it's in the 40's and people are losing their power etc, leaving them with no air conditioning, fans or ice for that matter. I guess that is global warming at work. They are even using air conditioned buses as emergency places for people to get some relief. Makes me glad to be this close to Silverhorn Lake, and the cool Silverhorn Mountain breezes...although Marcello says I am responsible for a lot of hot air......

On another note, a website called MyHeritage.com has a program available that runs some kind of face recognition thingy, that matches your features to celebrities, I gave it a try and it says I look like Elvis Presley...well...no..actually it said I looked like ummm...remember this is new technology and perhaps not much good, but it says I look like Elton John.....Elton friggin' John...of all the celebrities in the world I gotta look like him????? Needless to say I ran the program again thinking there must have been a mistake, so I used another picture, and it said I looked like Matt Groening..you know, the creater of The Simpsons....well...I suppose that is better than saying I look like Bart.....

I tried to check out the wife but alas...you only get two chances before they want you to become a member..yeah, like I am going to join and likely pay a company to tell me I look like Elton friggin John.

I think the wife looks like....yeah right....like I am going to get sucked into that discussion.....That my friends, is known as one of those things you just can't win, so husbands take my advice...don't....

By the way, it seems we had the link for a good friend of mine's website screwed up on our links post. I am talking about Blupete, look for it at www.Blupete.com Check it out, it's worth your time. (But come back here...) I actually stole the following quotation from Blupete's website. Given the "My Heritage" faulty face recognition program, I think this quote is appropriate even if I don't particularly understand it......

"The vulgar are those who take things according to their first appearance." (Hume, "Of Liberty and Necessity," Human Understanding.)

He's got all kinds of stuff over there that I can steal.......

Alex Trebek
Ken Jennings

Gators On the Run, Missiles on the Loose

Hello, welcome to The View From Silverhorn Lodge, for Monday July 24, 2006. Another great friggin day here at the Lodge if your mission is to save and or create more wetlands for ducks. Yup, it rained today, which was a bit of a change from the last few days when it poured...

But, your trusty reporter didn't let you down, rain or not, I was camping on the weekend, roughing it...Yup, while everyone else was home in their nice dry house, I left the safety and comfort of the Silverhorn and headed off to a weekend campout. I left Marcello, Chief Garden Gnome here at the Lodge, in charge and off we went.

Friday night, I was sitting on a picnic table in an open field singing along with the prerequisite campground guitar player and all around great entertainer. I vaguely recall at one point, another happy camper and I stood in the mud that was once grass and sang a heart rendering rendition of "In the Ghetto" from start to finish, andy cappo...(I believe that means without musical accompanyment, it could also have something to do with an old comic strip...) the guitar player had taken a break to empty the water out of his rubber boots....someone said they couldn't tell which one of us sounded like Elvis.

Saturday morning I awoke refreshed, crawled out of the sleeping bag, climbed over the wife, popped open the back of the motorhome...well...camper....well Dodge Mini Van and had a shower while walking down to the showers....which ultimately saved a lot of time and brought a few giggles to the other early risers.

I spent some of the afternoon, strolling through the wealthy end of the campgorund looking at all the motorhomes and travel trailers, even peeked in a few windows to see what they were like inside. It was kind of like going to the Recreational Vehicle Show, except at the show they don't mind you peeking in the windows...campers take a little different view of that sort of thing...go figure.

Saturday night I was whooping it up in the campground recreation hall to the sound of kareoke, and later that night I was enjoying the splendor of a summer thunderstorm from the campground swimming pool...yes readers...occasionally, even the owner of Silverhorn Lodge likes to live on the wild side...apparently you are not supposed to swim in an outdoor swimming pool in a thunderstorm...who knew??

So why would the owner of a mountain lodge go camping on the weekend...who the hell knows...but if you read these stories with any regularity you already know I am crazy...

Suffice to say it was a hell of a time, and I can't wait for the next time.

On another totally unrelated note, I came across in the August Edition of the Annals of Neurology, (I buy it for the pictures) a recent study has concluded that men with high levels of estrogen may have a higher chance of developing congnitive problems such as Alzheimers Disease...now I am not going to say much more than that about this, because I don't want to spoil the article for you....but...estrogen is a female hormone....nuff said.

In the Am I Stupid? files, Marcello and the boys came across this one from Reuters, who report that a missile, (probably a tomahawk but that is unconfirmed) fell off a truck on a New York highway. Yup, a missile, not a bag of garbage or some building materials, this was a missile. Must have been rolling around in back of the truck and maybe the driver took a turn a little tight and the missile rolled out the back. Now how does an unrestrained missile end up in a truck? I dunno, I suppose someone at the missile factory was going out for a pack of smokes or a coffee and someone else said:
"You going by the Army Base? How about dropping off this missile, save us a trip."
"Sure, just throw it in the back of the truck."
The military folks say not to worry, the missile was unarmed. I think the truck driver was too.....

Well, as you know, I have a bit of a penchant for animals who want to be free, take for example Boo the Bear, who was on his way to Silverhorn Stardom when he turned himself in and Hoppy the Kangaroo, making a desperate break for it in Ireland. Well, another fellow, who goes by the name Crusty the Alligator, down in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, is the latest to go on the run. Crusty got in a little bit of trouble because people were feeding him, and the 'officials" (never piss off the officials) took issue with it.

They set out to drag him down in some dark alligator alley and finish him off, 'pop' him, put out his lights, make him into boots and belts, when an alligator samaritan, stepped in and paid to have him captured and moved to a nice Seminole Reservation, where he could join his buddies, Speedy, Boomer and Freddy. Well, Crusty is not quite ready to go, because they are still looking for him.

Now here is the thing, Crusty is in trouble because people are feeding him. Do people not know that alligators are well...dangerous? If I was standing on the bank of some Florida Everglade, and an alligator came up to me, the last thing I would do is feed him...I'd run like hell. But nooooo, not other people, they stay and feed them..what I don't know.

Florida Fish and Game folks actually had an undercover sting to catch alligator feeders which they don't take lightly. 7000 alligator feeders were put to death in 2004...no wait, I think I got that wrong, 2004 alligators were put to death in 7000...um...nope, 7000 alligators died in 2004 because people were feeding them. I dunno about you, but I'm thinking it's the cholesterol in the food....

Don't forget to have a look at the Silverhorn Lodge shirts and stuff at the Silverhorn Store, look good and be the envy of all your friends. Thanks to Maggie our GLAAM, we got the issue with black tee shirts worked out and now they are looking great!

By the way, special hello tonight to the folks in Mount Uniacke Nova Scotia, keeping up with the Silverhorn Lodge posts! God Bless Ya!

"The truth is rarely pure, and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

Now I am going to sit back and wait for the hate mail to arrive regarding my estrogen comment. I told ya, every now and then I like to live on the edge!!

See ya!

Camping
Dodge Van
kareoke
Alligators Florida

Over 40 And Blogging: Easy Tick Removal

Hey Silverhorners, here is a good tip to keep in mind if you go afield where there are ticks!
Over 40 And Blogging: Easy Tick Removal

Another Animal Bid for Freedom Hoppy Hits the Road!

Hi Gang, Welcome to The View From Silverhorn Lodge, where the men are men and the women are..well...moving away...

Well, by now you all know the story of Boo, the runaway bear who made a dash for freedom a couple of times before finally surrendering and returning to his cage of his own accord, oddly enough, as soon as bear mating season was over. You also know how I had championed his cause and tried to escalate his image to a symbol of freedom we could all look up to....but then, he let us down....Well fear not Silverhorners, a new symbol is emerging on the freedom field and he's caught my attention and therefore yours, provided you don't stop reading right now.

It seems a kangaroo has escaped from the circus and is hopping gaily over the green fields of Ireland in another bid for animal freedom!! I believe his offical name is Sydney, but the locals in Ireland are calling him 'Hoppy' I'm not sure why....but anyway, Hoppy Sydney, as I have taken to calling him, has made his break and jumped the wall. (actually some kangaroo experts theorize that to escape the circus, he disguised himself as the bearded lady and he may have hid the key to his cage in his pouch) Hoppy Sydney has been spotted several times but no one has been able to catch him and God Bless the Locals, I think they are assisting him to escape. Apparently locals sympathetic to his cause have been seen hopping around the fields, trying to throw off the searchers. A spokesperson from the area denied this was happening to divert the searchers, indicating rather sheepishly that the locals have always hopped around the fields to avoid stepping in sheep shit. (they have a lot of sheep in Ireland...)Isn't 'sheep shit' a nice expression, say it out loud it slides smoothly off the tongue...but as usual, I digress.....

Now, exactly how Hoppy Sydney intends to get back to Australia from Ireland has yet to be determined, and I doubt he knows either because my experience with kangaroos leads me to believe they are not great planners...We'll be following this story and reporting back, as usual, we'll do the research so you don't have to, in the meantime, say a prayer for Hoppy, say a prayer for freedom!!

We don't have many kangaroos around Silverhorn Mountain, although we did have a dog with two legs once who looked a lot like a kangaroo because of his big floppy ears....

On another note, it seems our girl Britney Spears has won an apology from the National Enquirer for reporting incorrectly that Britney and her husband Kevin Federline were standing on the edge of the Breakup Precipice (that's mountain lingo for getting a divorce). However, the Enquirer got it wrong, and had to apologize for the unfounded, likely made up story. Now I don't know about you, but I am affronted...the National Enquirer should be ashamed for making stuff up....imagine! Making stuff up and putting it out there for people to read....shameful...shame on you National Enquirer....imagine if we did stuff like that here at the Silverhorn, why you wouldn't know what was true.....

Speaking of indepth, hard hitting news reporting, it seems someone in a little place called Greencastle Indianna has been stealing letters from business signs all over town, auto _epai_ shops, _estau_ants, and othe_ business ente_p_ises are losing the letter...oh c'mon, you know what letter they are missing by now...from signs on an almost daily basis. Locals think it is kind of funny, but the police department have issued a statement indicating that letter stealing is a felony, and they are going to "qwack down on the cwiminals and when appwehended we will thwow the book at the peptwatos."


I leave you tonight with this quote, as pertinent today as it was in 1854 when it was written....
"If a man walk in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded a loafer; but if he spends his whole day as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making earth bald before her time, his is esteemed an industrious and enterprising citizen." - Henry David Thoreau, Life Without Principle, circ 1854

Thanks fo weading The View Fom Silvehon Lodge, dwop back again weal soon.

Tuesday Night Update

Hey Silverhorners
I apologize for the brevity of tonight's edition of The View From Silverhorn Lodge. We were prempted tonight to take care of some business, not the least of which was the grand re-opening of the Silverhorn Lodge CafePress Shop which is now up and running with some great Silverhorn Lodge branded products. Be sure to check them out, just check the sidebar of this blog for more information.

Hot day around here, although I am not complaining, too many cold days the rest of the year and as the song goes, "Hot Weather Makes Her Clothes Fall Off"....no wait, I think that is "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off". Hot weather and tequila.....now that sound promising....

From the "Am I Stupid?" files, two fellas were arrested 12 miles off the coast of Wales after they had stolen a boat and then figured out that neither one of them knew how to operate it ....yup....they are stupid. These two genius's decided to steal a fishing trawler after they had missed their ferry ride and after several hours at sea figured they were off the coast of Ireland, and called for help, but aparently they had only travelled 12 miles from where they had stolen the boat. Fortunately for them, the North Wales Coast Guard was more than happy to come to their rescue after they called for help. I'm left wondering if the two boat burglers had long blond hair.....

I'm reminded of a story my wife told me last week about a local guy (Al Johnson)who works at the Silverhorn Mountain Pill and Dill, a combination pharmacutical and Pickle Bottling Factory located just on the outskirts of the two building industrial park in Silverhorn Village. (The reason for the odd combination of pickles and pill manufacturing has to do with government business grants and is much to complicated to get into here.) Anyway, Al came home last Tuesday and gave his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his 'pickle'(I'm being delicate here folks) in the pickle slicer.

His wife, Margery, was surprised and suffice to say a little concerned, so she wanted to make sure he was still well all there...er...playing with a full pickle...ah...intact
So Al, never known to be shy dropped his pants and much to the relief of his wife, and much to the shock of my wife and the rest of the ladies attending the Tuesday afternoon meeting of the Silverhorn Scrabble Knitting and Gossip Club it was all there, unharmed.

“But what about the pickle slicer?” asked Margery, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.

Needless to say the Scrabble, Knitting and Gossip Club meeting was adjorned early that day.....

I have nothing to declare except my genius." - Oscar Wilde

Beware of Blondes In Boats

Howdy Silverhorners and Silverhorn wan-na-bees welcome to beautiful Silverhorn Lodge, situated on the side of majestic Silverhorn Mountain, overlooking shimmering Silverhorn Lake.

It is a beautiful evening here at the Lodge, Marcello and I are sitting outside on the deck, enjoying the comfort of our new Adirondack chairs and sipping a refreshing ice tea.

We just came back from the Chatham Jaycees Sweet Corn Festival in Illinois. Well, to be honest, we just watched a clip of the festival on the big screen plasma television in the Silverhorn Bar...well to be really honest... it's just a 32 inch television in the rec room but it is color...

Anyway, we were watching the promo (easy now..I said 'promo' not 'porno') for the Annual Cow Chip Throw Championship contest which will be held at the festival on Saturday. Paticipants pay five dollars for two 'chips' and see how far you can throw them. It's a big time in Chatham, people come from miles around. The organizers gather the 'chips' and dry them out a bit in the sun prior to the big chip toss contest.

There were several speed boats on the lake this weekend and a couple of them even seemed to have their outboard motors running despite the high price of gas.

I did have to tow one boater who had made a splashing dash down the lake in a speedboat, only to come to an embarrassing halt on the other side. At first I said, oh well, someone else will save him, then I got out the binoculars and was able to see a shapely girl with long blonde hair trying to get the motor started and then giving up and starting to try and paddle against the wind.

So...being the good Samaritan I am...and when no one else seemed to be taking any interest in coming to her aid, I knocked Marcello out of the way and my wife off the wharf and launched the Official Silverhorn Lodge Rescue Craft, and went to the rescue.

I must have made a dashing figure myself flying over the waves in my open boat to the rescue of the beautiful blonde damsel in distress...except...when I got close I discovered my distressed damsel was actually a guy with long blonde hair and a beard....a beard...some kind of fair haired middle aged hippie...I thought they were all gone years ago....I bet he was even wearing sandals...Well...I was there then, what could I do, I hooked on to his bow rope and towed him home...then I threw my frigging binoculars overboard......

One more thing before I let you go back to what must have been a miserable existence before you found The View From Silverhorn Lodge. I have to do a little bragging... Our story, "The Space Shuttle Takes off Duct Tape on Board" has been listed 6/10 in the most recent Carnival Of Comedy blog carnival. There are 3 categories, 1)laugh like crazy, 2)laugh and 3)laugh a little. We are (I'm gonna say it again, you know that) 6/10 (read six out of 10) in the top category 'laugh like crazy'. Way to go Silverhorners!! It's your support that keeps me doing this....I'm a littl confused as to why we did so well in the Comedy Carnival, because this blog is not supposed to be funny......I mean, I could understand ranking high in the Hard hitting Journalism Carnival, but Carnival of Comedy? Go figure......


Marcello thinks I should go to Illinois ( for those of you reading this aloud, and not too bright, it's pronounced ill-a-noy not ill-ee-noise)for the weekend and take part in the cow chip flinging thingy contest, he thinks I would win because I have been throwing bullshit around this blog for several months now and some of it goes quite far.....but then, you knew I was going to say that didn't you.....?

And finally....some notable things to remember..
"I don't believe in defeat." Dr. Norman Vincent Peale - The Power of Positive Thinking.
"Beware of Blondes in Boats" Robert Parker The View From Silverhorn Lodge

p.s.I'm still looking for a good trade offer on my green Bic lighter....

Blondes
boats
Chatham Jaycees
Guestbook

Why Marcello Doesn't Like Smurfs

A couple of you have asked why Marcello doesn't care much for smurfs? So I dug into the Silverhorn files...I think a picture is worth a thousand words....

Messages on Eggs, Dead Roosters and Oh Boo..Say it isn't so Buddy.

Howdy Partners
Welcome to Silverhorn Lodge, high atop Silverhorn Mountain. Well, we've got lots to get through tonight, and I would like to get to bed before 3 a.m. so I'm going to jump right in.

First a big Silverhorn Lodge Thank You to someone who has been our most sincere supporter since this little publication first hit the world wide web, Maggie, who pleasantly surprised us at the lodge today with a donation. In honor of Maggie I have created a new membership classification, now officially known as Gold Life Member and Afterlife Member of Silverhorn Lodge. Maggie was the first official member of the Silverhorn, and now is the first to become a GLAAM. It's readers like Maggie who make it worthwhile sitting up until 3:00 to write this crap..I mean research.

One other Silverhorn please note our BETA Silverhorn Store project is coming along nicely, although we are having some difficulty with image quality on some of the products. However, Silverhorn hats, tee shirts, tote bags and thongs..(yes,I said thongs)should be available soon. Be the first on your block to own a Silverhorn Lodge fridge magnet....

Now lets give a few kudos to Kyle MacDonald the young Canadian Blogger who started with a red paper clip and traded up until he actually got what he set out to attain, a house. Yes, after a bunch of trades, Kyle finally ended up with a 3 bedroom house in Kipling, Saskatchewan....Congratulations Kyle for pulling off what has to be a blogging first but not the last....if anyone is interested in a trade I have a green Bic cigarette lighter with about 500 lights still left in it, that I am willing to trade...whatcha got?

In other news, Reuters is reporting that the police in London (leave it to the British) are warning ladies who go out drinking to wear nice panties, so when they fall down drunk in street they won't look so bad...Now you know, I make up a lot of crap, but I cannot compete with what's already out there. The police...in London England...are telling women....to wear nice pants...so they will look good when they fall down drunk....yup, I said it all again, I had to see if it made any more sense the second time I heard it...it doesn't. Apparently the police have even developed an ad slogan, "if you've got it, don't flaunt it"

I dunno about you, but I wasn't aware that the British police had become fashion critics. Why not just say, Ladies, if you go out drinking, GO HOME before you are so drunk you are falling down in the street exposing what the fashion concious Bobbies believe are not so 'nice' panties....hmmm I wonder if the British Police are being subtle here, could it be that British women are going out drinking without panties....? This sounds like something that needs some more research. Ordinarily I would leave this up to my Team of Silverhorn Researchers, but alas not this time, I think this is a job for....me, although Marcello may have the advantage...

Here at the Lodge, our slogan for all drunk ladies is "Off with your shirts Girls!!" but that is an entirely different story......

I dunno what's going on folks, but last night we had a big thunder and lightning storm here on Silverhorn Mountain and when Marcello, Chief Garden Gnome here at the Lodge, ladies man and Certified Chicken Farmer, Registered Rooster Breeder, was gathering eggs from our flock of world famous Silverhorn Silver Chickens this morning, we took a picture of him with his find....

Now before you jump all over me, thinking this is a fake, let me tell you, it's not a fake.(Have I ever lied to you?) It may actually be a sign of an epidemic of advertising on eggs. It's happening all over the world, for example, Reuters news is also reporting a Kazakhstan chicken in Kazak Village laid an egg that had arabic writing on it. One group of Officials (here we go again with officials) indicate the arabic writing on the egg translates to "Allah" but other experts have studied the egg and decided it says,
"Fragile, Handle With Care."

Now we have to deal with some bad news...it seems Big Red, a Rhode Island Rooster who had moved from Rhode Island to Oregon was killed this week in an encounter with a dog. Now Big Red was no ordinary rooster. He hopped a lift to Scio Oregon a few years ago and liked it so much he stayed on, accepting a position as the town rooster. Poor fella died of internal bleeding and broken ribs after a dog jumped out of a truck window and attacked him as he was on his way to the coffee shop for breakfast. (I am not making this up) Emergency folks got Red inside the feed store and administered oxygen but alas he is left for the big chicken coop in the sky. Our sympathies go out to the good folks of Scio, Oregon on the loss of their rooster.

Speaking of roosters and chickens and eggs and chicken breeders, what do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?

If it is any consolation to the Scio folks, I know where they might get a replacement for the town rooster. What they need is a town bear and I am sorry to say Boo, the escapee is available. Yup, our favorite bear, Boo, turned himself in to authorities and is back in his cage. It seems after the bear breeding season ended, Boo lost interest in fending for himself and returned to his cage....of his own free will. I have to admit, I am kind of disappointed, I had hopped Boo would become a symbol for freedom, the guy who said no, I gotta be free, instead he is just another guy who rolls over and goes to sleep when it's over...

"Don't let it end like this...tell them I said something." Last words of Poncho Vila.

Well, that's it, that's all I got. Remember, comments are not only welcomed, they are encouraged. (someone named Anonymous commented and said I was delusional...imagine that me? delusional? I like it..I've actually added it to the blog header, our new slogan, 'Delusional...but Different') Tell your friends, email us to the world...link to us to your hearts content, lets get this thing on the road!

Oh Yeah I almost forgot...cross a rooster with an owl and you get a cock that stays up all night.....

P.S. Any British Ladies interested in participating in a Silverhorn Lodge Research Study, where you get to drink a lot of liquor, please contact me as soon as possible.
P.S.S. I still have that green Bic Lighter, anyone wanna trade me a car for it?

Wanted One Good Hearted Woman

Hi Gang, welcome back to the mountain. I just popped in to upload a photo taken last night here at Silverhorn Lodge. It's our own Marcello, Chief Garden Gnome here at the Silverhorn regaling some of our guests around a campfire (well actually it's a candle,we were afraid he might melt around a real fire) with stories of life on the mountain, and some of the trials and tribulations of being a garden gnome. He does tend to go off on a tangent.....I have to keep bringing him back....

Normally I would stay away from this type of thing but Marcello has been with me almost since the beginning and annoying though he may be, Marcello is my best friend, and he did resist my ex-buddy Bob's attempts to unionize the Silverhorn Lodge Garden Gnomes so I feel I owe him. It seems Marcello is looking for a woman...so he asked me to post his pic and put the offer out there to any eligible ladies....

For those of you ladies wondering, Marcello is about 40 years old, well, that's what he says, suffice to say he is somewhere between 40 and 105. He stands almost 3 inches tall and has a look in his eyes that will make your heart flutter. Well actually he has two black dots for eyes, but they are full of dark mystery.....

So...this is what he wants me to say....I'm quoting him here folks..."Marcello likes jive dancing, ballroom dancing, romantic long walks on a beach, breakfast in bed with his best girl, quiet evenings at home in front of the fire, shopping, doing housework like ironing and laundry, standing in the garden and most of all pleasing a lady."

Oh and he also wanted me to say he prefers tall blondes with money.

Well there you have it. Marcello is 'looking for lovvvve' (and apparently money) so if the idea of a guy you can keep in your pocket turns you on, email the lodge or post a comment, I'm sure Marcello will reply to all offers.

"If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." (Mark 9:23)

My Name is Mud

Hey Ho Silverhorners! Welcome back to the mountain. It's a beautiful day here at the lodge so I decided to stay inside and get caught up in my postings. Did you miss me as much as I missed you? It seems like a long time since I posted, but I think it is only a day or so. Been busy around here, getting things done and the lodge in full operation. Marcello hasn't been able to fill in for me because he has been on duty at the front walkway guiding visitors to the door,something he does rather well considering he's a cement garden gnome. The wife taped a sign to his hand, it was supposed to say 'Welcome to Silverhorn Lodge' but as usual she ran out of space so she abbreviated it to 'Welovehorne' I thought it was going to be a disaster, but the guests love it, and are always having their picture taken beside Marcello...

So what do you you think of the recent portrait I had taken? It is for my driver's licence, because every time the police stop me, they say, your licence is expired, your plates are expired and you were speeding..what do you have to say for yourself?
I always say, "Well officer, I guess my name is Mud..."

Actually the young lady in the photo is taking part in Mud Day, not here at the lodge, but at Westland, Michigan, where apparently they go in for that sort of thing. It never quite caught on here, although in the spring the roads do turn into a bit of a mud festival, but we never celebrate it.....

On Silverhorn Mountain with Henry David Thoreau

It sometimes surprises me when someone asks if there really is a Silverhorn Mountain, or a Silverhorn Lodge, and if it does exist, where is it? I'm never sure whether their question is a compliment, or a chastisement that I maybe talking about a place that doesn't exist.

In his famous work, Walden, Henry David Thoreau said, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." A profound statement in my mind, and one that has stuck with me for many years, since reading a collection of his works in the early 80"s. Yes, it may in fact be profound if only because it is one of the only things I actually remember from the 1980's.

I don't know how many times I have said those words to myself, perhaps as consolation that I am not alone, that many others are just like me, going about their daily lives, probably in 'quiet desperation.' At some point in a person's life, (with the exception of those who are born lucky, but that's another blog) you step onto the big wheel of life and start going, turning it for dear life, trying to keep up with the person in front of you, and ahead of the person behind you, not daring to look back for fear of being overtaken.

At first it is fun, but as time goes on, it becomes something else, and you start to experience those feelings of quiet desperation Thoreau mentions. Now I don't know for sure if he was right, maybe it is not really the mass of men who experience these lives, maybe it is only old Henry and I who share this idea.

So, my point you ask? I don't know that I have one, other than to ask if you too experience feelings of quiet desperation?

Thoreau recognized he didn't really like the idea of living this kind of a life and began his Walden experiment which was to 'simplfy' his life. Thus began his grand experiment of moving back to the woods, and living a simple unadorned life in a small, one room cabin on the shores of Walden Pond.

My researchers tell me Henry lived in his cabin from July 1845 until September 1847 before returning to the world, although it appears his heart was always in Walden. I cannot help but think how, more than 150 years ago, people experienced what amount to the same feelings we all have today, although we think we have it much worse than our forbears who lived in what we think were simplier times.

So, Dear Reader, (something Henry liked to say) The View From Silverhorn Mountain began somewhat as a "Walden" experiment as well. Like the mass of men, I too live a life of quiet desperation, although I would probably describe it as 'quiet frigging desperation'.

Living on Silverhorn Mountain, even though it is a sort of 'virtual reality' has been and continues to be, a form of escape from the feelings of quiet desperation for me and hopefully for you as well.

While we are on the mountain, overlooking beautiful Silverhorn Valley, or dipping our toes in the still waters of shimmering Silverhon Lake, we are not worrying about work, or money, or illness, or Iraq, Afganistan or North Korea, or gas prices, acid rain, or global warming, or whatever else it is that controls our minds and clouds our thoughts with worries about things we probably can't change anyway.

So, does Silverhorn Mountain exist? Is their really a Silverhorn Lodge? Does a garden gnome really write this blog ? Did the April Foolsday Tradition really begin in Newfoundland? and is Boo the Bear really on the run from the law in a stolen 1964 Buick? The answers to these questions lie mostly with you, but for me the answers are;
yup,
yup,
sometimes,
it's possible,
they haven't caught him yet!!

Now I realize that the above is somewhat of a departure from the usual fare here at the Silverhorn, but alas, (God I love saying that), sometimes a little reflection is good for the soul. Rest assured, we will return to our regularly scheduled foolishness as soon as I sober up.....

See ya!!
Oh Yeah, p.s.
Go For it BOO !! Keep Running Buddy!!! They Haven't Got you Yet!!
PSS Your comments are not only welcomed, they are encouraged.

Henry Thoreau

HeY Boo!! You 're Smarter Than the Avveerage Bear!!

Hi Gang,
Ordinarily I would be keeping The View From Silverhorn Lodge at a daily limit of one story per day, but alas, (there is alas again) I can't help myself tonight.

Frequent enthusiasts of this diatribe will know of my interest in bears as well as my interest in how the big buggers are turning up all over the place these days.

As well, some of you have even gone so far as to mock me for suggesting that bears are getting smarter and taking a somewhat heightened interest in all things human. Take for example, the black bear that broke into a home owned by Goldilocks and ate her oatmeal, (Bear British Columbia and Who moved the Bank) or the one that climbed a tree in a nice neighborhood with her 3 cubs and posed for photos...then there was one that jumped into a backyard swimming pool for a little dip on a hot day......

Well, I'm not making this stuff up, ( at least not all of it) and now we have photo evidence.....it's no damm wonder bears are getting around, they are apparently driving cars....and not just any cars, the furry fellow in the picture (courtesy of AP press) is driving a 64 Buick Skylark convertible.....

Rather than calling up for pizza delivery, or taking his pizza home, this young cub chowed down on a barbeque chicken and jalepeno pizza....(there is such a thing?) right in the front seat of the car. He's a bit of a show off too, because he was leaning against the car horn all the time he was eating, I assume so people would notice him and take his picture...we all know how much bears love having their picture taken.

It seems he stopped at a resort area outside of Nevada, known as Stateline, for lunch and a bathroom break, which completely screws up my reponse to the age old Jeopardy category, "bears do this in the woods" Apparently this fellow stopped to use the restroom facilities. (This is a big disappointment for me because that was the only Jeopardy question I thought I could answer). On the other hand...if Alex Trebek ever asks, "Bears do this in cars.........I am ringing in.....

But....the young fella is not without his faults I am afraid...this young cub is quite the raconteur, before driving away he kicked back a swig of Jack Daniels, some vodka and a beer or two from the cooler in his back seat.

Police were called and someone suggested the breathalizer was in order, but no one wanted to go close enough to get him to blow into it, and when a brave trooper finally did approach the vehicle, breath tester in hand, the bear ate it......

I dunno about you guys, but I think this might be Boo, the bear that is on the lam (that means on the run from prison) from a bear penal institution in British Columbia. As I reported in an earlier story, (Britney's Nude and Run for it Boo!!) Boo broke down a door jumped an electric fence and escaped into the wilderness where he mixed in with the other bears and the 'officials' couldn't find him.

Doesn't anyone else find it strange that now a bear turns up driving a car that is obviously not his, all liquored up and gives the 'officials' a story about driving out west to visit relatives......I mean think about that....it sounds a little strange to me...where would a bear get a drivers licence....c'mon really.....

However, 'officials' being 'officials' couldn't hold him because his picture didn't match the mugshot on file of the the BC escapee, ( this one is much thinner and has a beard) and he ate the only roadside breathalizer machine in Lake Tahoe, so they had no choice but to let him leave. (although they did give him a police escort over the state line which was only about 400 yards away).

A spokesperson for the non-profit organization, BearsWho Drive Cars and The PeopleWho Love Them, said at a press briefing later in the afternoon that the bear was safely on his way to Jellystone Park to visit his cousin Yogi........

Don't tell the 'officials' but I think this has gotta be our buddy Boo. He's on the run and he's going for it. If you see him folks, give him food, (he seems to like pizza), gas for the car, and a place to sleep, maybe a change of fur coat...or a fake identification collar. If you can get a coat of white paint on him, go for it, maybe he can pass himself off as a polar bear...

Let's keep Boo free!! Run for it Buddy!!

It's only a matter of time before this is a movie...........

Bob Makes Gnome Demands

Well, I think we have been working so hard on stuff around Silverhorn Lodge, we seem to have caused a problem with our blog provider, 'blogger' which has been experiencing difficulties all afternoon. I have some stuff written and saved to draft, but can't get it uploaded. In fact, probably by the time you read this, it will be old news because I am unable to get it posted....however...if I can't get it posted...you won't be reading it....which means I am wasting my time writing this stuff.....

I had a call this afternoon from my "buddy" Bob....you all know Bob from previous posts, for example, "The Lost Treasure of Silverhorn Mountain." I put "buddy" in quotation marks to emphasize the sarcastic way I said "buddy".....I thought Bob was calling to just to chat, maybe check in and see how I am doing. Alas dear reader....(I love lines like that, they sound so proper)....lets say it again, Alas dear reader, Bob wasn't calling to check in, or ask me over for a barbecue. Nope, Bob called to tell me that he is representing my garden gnomes who have contacted him regarding them joining his friggin union. Bob is the president of his local, union, which is the UOLUMAGG (Union Of Lazy Unmotivated Morons and Garden Gnomes. Naturally, Bob ever the ehlpful guy, has stepped up to welcome them into his union and has offered to represent them at the negotiation table.

Apparently I will soon be receiving an official list of their demands, Bob alluded to several of them, including the following:

wage and benefits,
marriage leave,
sick leave,
sunny day leave,
rainy day leave,
I don't feel like working today leave,
Tommy Hunter is coming to town leave.

Bob also mentioned something about wanting to be associated with of all things, "plastic ducks".....now I have to admit, after hearing the first of their demands, I lost some concentration, and I am not sure who wants permission to associate freely with plastic ducks....but.....I think it is really Bob who wants this in the contract, I have noticed he often stares at my plastic duck decoy with a look that is sometimes downright unnerving...........even the duck gets embarrassed............

The Space Shuttle Takes Off - Duct Tape On Board

Hey Folks, How are you tonight? We are coming to you tonight from high atop Silverhorn Mountain, where a bunch of us crazy Silverhorners have climbed in order to watch the Space Shuttle Discovery as it flies by our humble mountain on it's way to outer space.

So far we've had quite a few false alarms, old Conrad thought he saw it, but it turned out to be a fast flying eagle, and Billy Partridge from the other side of Silverhorn Lake shouted when he mistook the sun for the afterburners of the shuttle.

Billy is at the hospital now where a team of doctors are trying to do something about the burns to his retinas.

The rest of us here on Silverhorn Mountain, aren't that stupid, we know looking at the shuttle with the naked eye is dangerous, so we followed the warnings we had found on the back of a cereal box about watching a solar eclipse. We all have the bottom of pop bottles duct taped over our eyes. Unfortunately, looking at the sky through pop bottle bottoms might be ok, looking at the ground is not so good. Three members of our party fell off the side of the mountain, after getting to close to the edge. Apparently pop bottle bottoms should have a warning...."Objects seen through the bottom of this bottle may be closer than they appear."

Sometimes I wonder how smart the so called 'experts' really are.....for the life of me I can't see what good taping the bottom of a clear plastic pop bottle over your face does to save your eyes..........

The guy on the radio said the Shuttle lifted off from Cape Canaveral with 7 crew members on board and apparently 4 rolls of duct tape just in case the little crack in the fuel tank becomes an issue. Officials decided it was ok for the launch to go ahead despite the crack in the insulation. A spokesperson said it was a tough decision for the 'officials' who I might add, were not the ones getting in the shuttle and blasting off into outer space with a leaky gas tank...

On another follow up note, our boy Joey Chestnut, who will remember was going for a world record and a championship title at the Coney Island hotdog eating contest fell short by 2.75 hotdogs. Poor Joey, who is an engineering student from San Jose (I told you last night how to pronounce it) California, only managed to stuff 52 hotdogs into his 220 pound frame.

Joey lost to Takeru Kobayashi, a 160 pound fella from Japan who put away 53.75 hotdogs in 12 minutes. The space shuttle actually took longer to get into orbit....Takeru's secret appeared to be dipping his dogs in soda pop before wolfing them down. Congratulations Takeru ! We will have to have you over to the Lodge some night for a barbecue..........................right after we win the lottery. One thing about having Takeru over for supper, he always cleans his plate and he doesn't stay long........

So, what else have our diligent team of researchers come up with? Well, let see, what we got. Oh yes, someone has come up with the idea that weighting children's toys will help young kids to get exercise and build up their muscles. Cool, now all the little kids are gonna start beefing up so they can beat up us old fat guys.... Anyway...it seems that someone in Berlin, where the World Cup Soccer match is happening, thought this would be a good idea. So they filled a couple of soccer balls with cement, and then talked unsuspecting soccer fans into giving the ball a kick.......it didn't do much for building up muscles, but the kids did get lots of exercise running away......

A blonde goes to the doctor and complains that she hurts all over her body. The doctor asks her to show him, so she touches her nose and screams, then she touches her knee and screams and touches her shoulder and screams, the doctor looks at her and says..."It's not too bad, you have a broken index finger..........

Well I gotta go, Marcello just hollared that he sees the Shuttle coming on the other side of the mountain, we gotta get over there to wave as it goes by..........we even have a banner we are going to hold up...unfortunately it got torn on the trip up the mountain, it used to say "Good Luck Crew of Discovery" But after it got ripped and we duct taped it back together it nows says..."GOOD UCK WOF IS OVER

We're sure they will know what we mean.........

A New Look at the Silverhorn Lodge

Hey Silverhorners. Well it's about 2:20 in the early morning and I am hard at work. We're giving the old Silverhorn Lodge a bit of a new look, the changes are subtle but they are there and I hope it makes your visits to the Lodge that much more enjoyable.

We've made some changes to the sidebar, some updates to the products and even added a few new features such as a list of the cast of The View From Silverhorn Lodge, giving special mention to our life members, Maggie, Alphonse and Carlyle....you know who you are.....

In addition we've fixed up the links list, and have figured out after much trial and error that adding text outside of this box is a easy as well...just typing it in...in English even, not even in HTML. But don't tell anyone that, I want them to think I am a blog expert in addition to being the owner of a virtual mountain lodge, located on a virtual mountain, beside a virtual shimmering pristine lake.

Marcello has even come back to take over the odd posting giving me a chance to have a much needed day off. Thanks Marcello, couldn't do it without ya buddy.

Thank God I am on vacation tomorrow...er today....because I think I am gonna be sleeping in...

Rob Parker
Silverhorn Lodge
Silverhorn Mountain
Blogspot.Com

Fireworks, 40 Hot Dogs and Hungry Elephants

Hi Ho Silverhorners! Welcome to Siverhorn Lodge. A beautiful sunny holiday Monday here in Canada. July 1st is Canada day, we've got stuff going on all over the mountain and last night were the fireworks. No wait, I think tonight are the fireworks, last night was just an explosion and fire over at old MacGillvery's place, his lawn mower blew up when he lit a match to see if the gas tank was empty. No real damage done though, old MacGillvery didn't have much hair to begin with.....some nearby grass caught fire, and the wind spread it to his pig pen, which is perhaps the tradgedy. However, in celebration of Canada Day weekend winding down, we are all invited over to Old MacGillvery's tonight to enjoy a corn boil....oh come on....I know what you were thinking....but there hasn't been a pig in that pen since the time Old MacGillvery tried to burn the paint off his barn......

In the news today, Reuters is reporting that someone has found a five inch crack in the foam insulation in the gas tank of the Space Shuttle set to launch form Cape Canaveral, Florida on July 4th. A five inch crack....Officials haven't decided whether to delay the launch or not....now imagine you are one of the astronauts taking off in that thing....the control tower telling you, 'just go easy' we don't want that crack to get any bigger......
I guess gas is cheaper in the United States, at the price of it around here, we wouldn't be risking spilling any out of a five inch crack in a gas tank.

Here is something else I stumbled across from Reuters, apparently officials in China, (did ya ever notice how often people are referred to as 'officials? How do you get to be an 'officials" I wonder? It sounds interesting)
Anyway these officials have figured out they have a problem with....you guessed it, elephants....Yup, I said elephants in China. Apparently Chinese farmers are being eaten out of house and field, not to mention the damage they do to the crops they walk on....(I'm talking about the elephants, not the officials).

Now I know what you are thinking, since when did they get elephants in China? It seems they always had them, but seemed to have kept pretty quiet about it until now. Now the big beautiful beasts of burden have gotten a little out of hand, and lets face it, an elephant is gonna go and do what he wants, no matter what the 'officials' say.

But officials are smart, that's how they get to be officials I guess, and they have a plan. They are starting up some elephant restaurants, or better said, elephant soup kitchens without the soup. Instead they are building banana and sugar kitchens where the big fellas and girls can drop in and chow down on a couple hundred pounds of bananas and sugar...(I wonder if they put milk on them too?) Hopefully this will keep the elephants out of people's gardens and farms. On anther note, McDonalds Restaurant in China, always quick to cash in on a trend, has introduced something new to their menu, they call it the Big McBanana Burger........

And speaking of elephant sized appetites, Joey Chestnut, from San Jose, California, (That's pronounced San Ho-Say) is gearing up for the annual Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Competition. Joey plans to eat 4 dozen frankfurters in 12 minutes and walk away with a world record. So how do you practice for a competition of this nature, Joey is currently eating 40 hot dogs at a sitting, twice a week. Now....I like a hot dog as much as the next guy but....40 at one time.....nah...maybe 15 or 20.....

By the way, Joey is no stranger to eating competitions, he is already the holder of world records. He has put away 32 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes, and 5.5 pounds of pork ribs in 12 minutes. He also chowed down on 173 chicken wings in a half an hour...

I think I may be able to give him a run for his money on the grilled cheese sandwiches...sometimes I scarf quite a few of them down at night, I have to be quick before the wife catches me....last count I could get about 7 cooked and eaten in just under 7 minutes, exactly the length of time it takes her to get ready for bed.......

It's wing night here at the Silverhorn Lodge tomorrow, I don't think we'll be inviting Joey over................

The King of Silverhorn Mountain

Hi Silverhorners!! Welcome to Silverhorn Lodge, high atop Silverhorn Mountain, overlooking beautiful Silverhorn Valley. This is Marcello, the chief garden gnome here at the lodge filling in for the boss who is taking the weekend off to enjoy a much needed rest, although I don't know why he needs a rest he doesn't do anything...

Speaking of the boss, he is now telling people he wants to be referred to as 'Your Royal Highness' it seems he discovered a recent news article that indicates genealogists have discovered the descendants of royalty are everywhere and essentially everyone. The experts are saying that virtually 100 percent of the population have royal roots somewhere.

Now most people would read something like this and just shrug it off and move on, but not our boss, he has decided to follow it up and now considers himself royalty. He has adopted the title 'King of Silverhorn Mountain and all it's Domains'. Whatever that means....

It's getting a little annoying, us gnomes have become 'serfs' and the rest of the world his 'subjects'. I don't think it is going to last long though, I just overheard him telling Mrs Boss that she has to curtsey to him when she comes into the room and always walk 3 paces behind him.....I think there might be a royal beheading in the near future.... or worse, it seems Mrs Boss, (who I think I will now call Mrs Her Royal Highness) has done some genealogical research of her own and has discovered she too is of royal lineage, and in fact is a direct descendant of 'Margery The Great Castrator'............

Gnomes in the News...(hey if I am going to have to write this damm blog while the Boss lays around in the sun, I am gonna promote my buddies....) Six gnomes turned up on the roof of Poppi's Italian Family Kitchen Restaurant which is somewhere in Arkansa I believe. They turned up around the time of the summer solstice, and are facing the sunrise which as those of you familiar with the esoteric will recognize as highly significant....while the rest of the world is watching the Middle East..we're everywhere...taking over the world.....one italian restaurant at a time.......

Speaking of Mrs Boss, she was telling us gnomes a story about the Boss the other night around the campfire. It seems on their third date he drove her to a popular lover's parking spot on the other side of Silverhorn Mountain. They were making out like crazy in the front seat of his old Buick but the steering wheel kept getting in the way so she asked him if he wanted to get in the backseat. He said no, he wanted to stay in the front with her........

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." - Mark Twain