Assisted Living Camping Trip

Hey Silverhorner's!
I have to apologize if tonight's post of The View From Silverhorn Mountain goes over your heads, but...

Frequent readers will recall the story of Old Davey, the resident of Old Fellar Hollow Assisted Living Facility here on Silverhorn Mountain. If you don't remember it, just read the post before this one. Old Davey sliced a part of his foot off when he got hold of a lawnmower.

Well, imagine my surprise when I came home Friday night and the wife announced that she had volunteered to take Old Davey and some of the other residents of the Old Fellar Hollow Assisted Living Facility on a camping trip...

"Camping trip !!! ???" I exclaimed!! and questioned?? at the same time...."Camping trip, with those old um...far...um..people? Besides, I hate camping, it always rains and there are flies and the bathrooms...man the bathrooms always smell...never been in a campground bathroom that didn't smell like the dump on compost bin day. I'm not going..."

"Yes, you are coming along too, it will do you good to see how these poor folks are, especially if you are going to make fun of them on your blog, besides that, I can't leave you home alone, you know what happened the last time. The dog has never been the same....

"The dog has neurotic tendencies, and besides I don't make fun of people on my b...."

She cut me off with one of those "Keep talking and I will shove the garden hose down your throat and turn it on" looks, and...having lived that experience once before, and internal cleansing though it might be... I don't want it again, so I shut up, but not before I asked, "So who's coming?"

"Well, lemmie see..." she said, smiling as she read the list of names. "There is Old Davey of course, he needs someone to help him walk around, make him tea, get him to the showers, and-"

"Hold up, that isn't going to be me!" I said, with as much indignation as I could muster. "Not Old Davey, he's kinda strange...I think he likes to play with rope."

"Well, maybe not old Davey, because if he likes to play with rope, you'll probably hang yourself, but there's others. What about, his girlfriend, Millie, she's nice."

"Yes, if you like geriatric music groupies...I heard she lifted her shirt and flashed The Eagles at a concert....nobody flashes the Eagles anymore...and besides, isn't she the one who set the entire north end of Silverhorn Mountain on fire a couple of years ago?"

"It wasn't that bad...." she countered, "Just a little campfire that got out of control."

"Campfire....? As I recall she set the living room of the Old Fellar Assisted Living Facility on fire."

"Well she's not that old, besides, but I doubt she would want you around her, not the way you sing..." she answered, adding, "But what about Nobbie?"

"What about Nobbie?" I asked, "Last I knew he was still trying to get his truck driving licence back from the DMV, they got pissed when he drove his dump truck through Tim Horton's drive through trying to get his very lovely but caffine addicted young wife a coffee..."

"What? The Silverhorn Tim Horton's doesn't have a drive through."

"Exactly." I countered, "It does now, and his wife Sharon, got her coffee."

"Yeah well I guess Old Nobbie is out too, I've heard he is quite the runner and if he got away you couldn't catch him, he's not quite right you know, prone to running away."

"I doubt anyone could, I've seen him run, like a gazelle, not quite as pretty to watch as a gazelle, not exactly graceful, but damm near as fast."

"Oh that was only one time, and only because a bunch of wild women were chasing him with a rope."

"Rope...? Wild Women....?" I asked, "Was Old Davey involved in some way?"

"You know, I don't think it would be a good idea for you to accompany us on this camping trip after all. There isn't anyone you could look after. Well, I mean I suppose there's Rhonda, but she is too...um...well...she has hormone troubles if you know what I mean...kind of...um...over sexed"

"Yes, yes, go on" I said, this sounded interesting, oversexed...now that is right up my alley, although I was never really sure what the word 'oversexed' means. Is it too much sex or not enough? You'd think if you got a lot of sex at some point you would have enough...although lord knows I don't know what that amount would be...but anyway I am digressing...

"Rhonda eh?" I questioned, "Maybe I could do her....I mean look after her..."

"Yes, but I think she's a little to um...well...worldly for you, she has a special counsellor assigned to her at all times to look after her. I think his name is Ronnie or Ron. He feeds her, washes her down and well, from some of the rumors at the assisted living facility, he looks after some of her other needs as well..."

"Yeah, I've met him seems like not a bad guy, I hear he makes a mean breakfast."

"Yes, more for him than her, he needs to keep up his strength at all times." she said, "I heard when she was a dispatcher for a trucking company, every Friday afternoon she would dispatch a truck with the best looking driver to her house."

Well I could go on and on, but suffice to say I ended up agreeing to go along, but only if I could sleep in the same tent as Reena and Jim, one of the geriatric married couples staying at the Silverhorn Hollow Assisted Living Facility. Reena is so tiny that she doesn't take up much room in the tent and by the look of Jim, she is a good cook....come to find out, she is also a pretty good snorer...so I ended up sleeping on the bottom bunk of my own van...except there is no bottom bunk, so I was sleeping under the van.

At least it didn't rain....