Tiger Stop Apologizing !!

Hey Silverhorner! Good to see you man.....I'm really glad to see you got rid of that nasty zit on your.....oh....yes...well it's still there...ahhh....well it's good to see you anyway!

Talk about something getting on my nerves....did you hear that Tiger Woods has offered up his second apology in less than a week? I think he has given up the pro-golf tours to go on pro-apolgy tours albeit without a sponsor. Now the poor bastard golfer has made an apology to the parents of a pre-school in Orlando, Florida where his 2-year-old daughter goes to school.....The Tiger has apologized in writing to the parents who's kids attend Premier Academy for any inconvenience caused by the media attention brought on by his "tiger digressions" as we have taken to calling them hear on Silverhorn. I dunno about you, but this is getting a little silly....Now Proctor & Gamble have chosen not to "proctor" or "gamble" on the Tiger and have shaved him dropped him from their Gillette Commercials, I guess they feel his Tiger Transgressions offer a shave that is a little too close so they have bid him a fond farewell as one of their spokespersons and are putting their money on some Olympic sports types and Baseball players....Ha.....yeah like that will sell stuff.....Of course Proctor and Gamble aren't the only ones to fold their Tiger Woods contracts, AT&T Inc. and Accenture dropped him faster than he could drop his pants when his story of scandalous golfer behaviour hit the news.

 Women are not going to be all that keen on sending their husbands off to play golf on Saturday mornings in their plaid pants and pastel colored shirts now that they know just how sexy golf really is.....c'mon....we all knew there had to be more to it than we were told....Who really believes that belting a little white ball around a field for hours on end is what it is all about...ask yourself, how can that be entertaining, I mean really....men in yellow pastel pants...sun visors....wearing one glove....shoes with spikes...some stranger carrying your balls....standing in the open with an umbrella and graphite club in a thunder and lightening storm....uh-huh...yes...that is how golfers spend Saturday.....at least that is what they tell their wives....and in some cases, that is what wives tell their husbands.....perhaps golf is nothing more than a cover for extra curricular activities. Who's gonna believe their husband is fooling around on them when he leaves home wearing plaid or pastel color pants and one of those funny looking golf hats....this could be some kind of secret club, like the Roscrusians or the Knight's Templars...or those dare I say it, Scientologists...whatever they are.....but we all know that it isn't good.....golf...hmmmf......

But here's the thing....while everyone is running around casting aspersions on Tiger Woods....(did ya like that? "casting aspersions".....that is one of those phrases I always wanted to use here but never saw the opportunity)....anyway, as the aspersions are being cast, what is suffering is pro-golf....perhaps golf in general, their balls are in the rough so to speak....splashing down into the water hazard.....and the future of golf may very well be disappearing thanks to right-wing-fundamentalist-religious-holier-than-thou-rightous believers of whatever moral dogshit dogma some one tells them.

Without Tiger Woods, golf goes back to being something watched on the Sports Channel Saturday afternoons by a few shut-ins and folks who are waiting for the car race to start, or the bobsledding competition to begin...advertising drops and before long, television stations are playing reruns of Family Guy or the Simpsons, golf pro shops are going out of business, golf course are sold off for subdivisions or theme parks, pastel and plaid pant tailors close up shop and move to Florida, and the world, as we know it, changes....not necessarily for the best....and then, violence and anarchy begins...why you ask....well what do we do with all the left over golf balls other than throw them at each other?


As I started to say, while we all get our own knickers in a knot over Tiger, pro golf is gone baby, gone....officials say that when golf tournaments don't feature Tiger Woods, viewership and advertising revenue tanks and no wonder, once you've seen him play, the rest look pretty amateurish. Talk about cut your hose off to spite your lace, this is stupid.....and so is this whole foolish diatribe, so I am officially joining the ranks of other large organizations who have dropped Tiger Woods, and won't be mentioning him again......for awhile......at least until the heat blows off and he stops friggin apologizing to everybody.

Besides...if it is sex scandals you are after, everyone knows that the real action happens fishing....it's fishing that is the bane of clean living. Sure fishermen look innocent, heading off to the boat in their rubbers, carrying their long rods in their hands, bait buckets at the ready, always talking about big ones...coming home late at night smelling of fish....While everyone is aghast over golf, fishermen are quietly getting it on, and laughing about the guys in plaid pants and funny shoes.....

On an unrelated note, it looks like the rocket scientists at NASA have run out of ideas. The boys in the lab coats, black rimmed glasses and crew cuts have come up empty on where their next trip will be...the Space Shuttle is all dressed up with no place to go, they have blown their load so to speak, and need some new rocket science before they can go any further. Apparently plans for a little trip to the moon for some moon-rock-shopping got nixed as the rocket scientists have decided to save their money for a future trip to Mars, which is where they figure the really good bargains are....kind of like me telling the Wife we should forget Bangor and save our money for New Hampshire because they don't have sales tax....Well, given the state of the U.S. finances these days, and the money going into taking over the Middle East chasing the camel jockey Osama bin Laden across the desert, from cave to cave, mountain to mountain,  I think it's going to be a long, long time before we are heading to Mars or anywhere else...

Given that bit of bad news I think it's time we had a little musical interlude and thought about things for a few moments....the  rocket scientists might do well to listen carefully to the words of gay Jesus promoter singer sonqwriter extrodinaire superstar Elton John....take note, toward the end of this video you will see some real "rocket scientists" you can tell it's them from the black frame glasses, I kid you not.....

So without further adieu, lady and gentleman, ELTON JOHN !!!! Whoo hooooo !!!!!



If you found any of this offensive, and I am sure someone did....check out this previous post I have already apologized formally.